I find, over the past several months, that my appetite has returned with a vengeance. I find it very difficult to not eat when I'm obviously not hungry. It is a constant struggle, one I'm sure I'll be dealing with for the rest of my life. I suppose this what "normal" women go through - constantly having to monitor what they put in their mouths and what the scale says. Pre-surgery, I rarely worried about what I was eating or drinking.
I had, over the past few months, put back 6 pounds. I was 175 for quite a while. Very disappointing - mostly in myself that I haven't learned better self control. And it isn't as if I'm gorging on "bad stuff." It's probably the habit I've picked up of having a glass of wine every night. Empty calories. And chips. And cookies. I seem to still not be able to do a lot of foods, oftentimes foods that are healthy, but I have absolutely no problem getting cookies or chips down.
There are a lot of things I refuse to let myself have, such as boxed cereals (the Captain Crunch types) or boxed pastries (HoHos, Ding Dongs, Cupcakes). I find myself at the grocery store with these items in my hand, reminiscing how wonderful they taste, but I'm always able to talk myself out of buying processed sugar. If I have a cookie, it's from either the bakery or my own. Don't know if that matters much, except perhaps in quantity. If I bought a box of cookies, I'd eat a lot more than just one or two. It's as if I'm going to expend the calories on something I really shouldn't be having, it's got to be good; no crap. And I truly feel that if I can keep this in moderation, it'll be OK, since this is a life-long thing. I can't really expect myself never, ever to have a cookie again. That's unrealistic and unlivable.
But some good news (at least, for me): I've dropped those 6 pounds over the past week, and it's basically just having been too busy (and the first part of this week, too ill) to eat much of anything. So I'm telling myself to try and keep it going in this direction, since I do want to drop this last 20 pounds and call it good.
Cuz that size 10 is still calling out to me...