Well, I finally have a scheduled surgery date - May 20th. I'm so excited, but nervous, too. Am I doing the right thing? I know I have a tendency to go into something hog wild only to have my interest wan down the road. And this is a for-life thing. Right now? This moment? I know I want this more than anything.
To able to walk as I was once able to... To get down and dirty in my garden (have always lived in apartments - last year, our apt went condo and we had to move. We found a duplex - first house/duplex in over 20 years for me - and I was so excited that I had an actual garden to play in, not just my "deck garden" I've always had in apartments.) To climb stairs without losing my breath... To walk the Sparkster for as long as he wanted... To go hiking or kyacking with Miss R, a friend of ours - who at 63, 14 years older than I, is in fantastic shape! Lord, there are so many things I'd like to do, but the weight is holding me back. I miss riding a bike. I really miss pretty shoes and looking nice when I get dressed up.
I do have a couple of small victories so far... Today is day 11 of not smoking (ok, had a few over the looooooong weekend - didn't realize the weekend would be so hard, and I kept myself really busy, too, so I'm not counting these :o) and when I walked Sparky on Sunday, I went a different route that had a very steep incline, one that normally would have had me stopping several times to catch my breath. I was able to walk it without stopping once and I was breathing pretty good once I got to the top. Amazing what a week and half smoke-free can do. As much as I loved smoking (and I truly did!), I love being able to breath even more.
Second sleep study tonight, to be fitted with a sleeping mask. This time, they promised me a room with a window - the first study I did was horrible with a capital H. That had been one of the worst nights of my life - I had even cut it short by leaving at 3:30 am - couldn't take it any longer. But they got enough data to determine I have acute apenea. So, it's Lone Ranger time - get to wear a mask to bed. How sexy is that?