I'm Home!

Got home a week ago today. Had to stay an extra day in the hospital, as three of my incisions were bleeding heavily. Once they said my blood count was ok, they let me go. They don't tell you you're going to have about 6 incisions, not that that matters, but my belly looks humungous and bruised - all purple, green and yellow. So attractive lol

Took a while to figure out how to get the 750 calories and 60 grams of protein down each day. All I can say is THANK GOD FOR MY SPECIAL K! I wouldn't have been able to do this without her. I already knew how lucky I was to have her in my life before this, but this experience has certainly confirmed it.

Will write more later. Thinking of doing some sample days for folks just getting home - I know it would've helped me.

One day to go...

This time tomorrow, I'll probably be in recovery. Nervous. Excited, but nervous.

Keepin' my fingers crossed all goes well.

Uh, oh

I've been sassy. I was at one week and three days without a single cigerette. Then I panicked and bought a pack "just to have" on Wednesday. Had one Wed night when I walked the Sparkster. Had one last night with a glass of Amerretto over ice. Had two today - one at lunch and just now (we went out for dinner with our newly wed friends and got home about 15 mins ago) while Special K is out walking our canine companion. As I smoked, I looked up smoking and surgery.

That's where the "uh, oh" comes in - I learned that one should be smoke-free for at least 4 weeks before the surgery to have any benefits in regards to the anesthesia that will need to be administered. While I've certainly smoked way less than I was used to, I still had the occassional ciggie, thinking it couldn't hurt.

Wrong. What a dunderhead I am - I should've looked this info up when I had my first ciggie after quitting. I wonder if that would've made a difference to me, as I'm finding I'm really hating not being able to smoke. While I like the fact that I smell better, and who wouldn't love all the money I'm not spending on the cancer sticks, I resent being made to do something I didn't buy into.

While I certainly believe just a few is way better than the pack and half to two packs a day, it seems just one can screw you up. What a dunderhead I am. Ah, well, can't cry over smoked butts. Going to try to not smoke anymore until at least after the surgery. Be interesting to see how Tuesday goes, and if I've done any damage. I suppose I'll have to tell the anethesiologist.

I feel like a naughty school girl.

Hi, Ho, Silver, Away!

So, picked up my new sexy sleepwear yesterday - my biPap mask. It's a strange looking device - a strap fits over the top and the sides of my head, with the hose going up over my nose to the top of my head. I feel like something out of a sci-fi flick, but you know what? I slept fantastic last night. Feeling very rested this morning. Slept straight through to 4:30 - haven't done that for a while.

Had my Special K's fabulous 'schetti's last night with garlic bread - my last supper - lol. I wanted to use this last week to try to lose 10 - 15 pounds before the surgery one week from today. So, goodbye, my old friend, Coca Cola (I am quite the Coke head - this I think will be harder for me than giving up my cigs) - it's been swell. I keep feeling like I'll never have a lot of foods that I love ever again, so I have to keep reminding myself that that's not so. Once I'm fully healed, I can eat whatever I like - just a very small portion. And as my father always used to tell me, "lekker is maar een finger lang." (Dutch - translation: delicious is just a finger long - basically means one or two bits is just as good as a whole plate-full).

Start!

Another one of my goals this year is to walk the entire Heart Walk route, instead of the one mile route. This will be our fifth year walking. The first year, we did the entire walk - 3. something miles up a viaduct and back again. At the end, I thought I was going to die - my chest hurt so badly and my legs were so shaky. Every year after that, we did the little one-mile route they have on the side.

This year? The full route - very excited. There are several co-workers that have had or will be having gastric bypass surgery, and we're trying to make a team to celebrate our new bodies and healthy (ier) hearts!

Here's the link to my donation page, should you feel inclined to donate to such a worthy cause :o)

My donation page

Success!

Just came back from a follow-up with my sleep disorder doctor - my 2nd sleep study last week with the mask was a total success. I slept like a normal person. Really bummed now that I missed my appt this morning to actually get my mask - have to wait until Monday, now.

The Bro Dudes

Well, finally had dinner with Big Bro Dude. He's the EMT - and his concerns were that I realize this is a for-life decision and that I won't ever be able to eat as I can now. Explained to him that was the point. Obviously, the way I eat now is not healthy. While it's fun, it's not good for me. I need to shift my focus from food to something else.

Ever notice that one of your first thoughts of the day is "what can I eat?" or "what shall I have for lunch?" How about the afternoons at work? No matter how busy it gets, there's always that "gee, what sounds good for dinner?" or "hey, the weekend's almost here - to what restaurant shall we go to treat ourselves?"

And exchanged e-mails from my younger bro dude (he lives in another state and he's an RN - just got his masters - Go, R!) He's very supportive, so that made me feel good.

Blew my appt this morning to get my sleep mask - rescheduled for Monday. Less than two weeks away, now... my goodness!

Not a single cigerette this week - yea, buddy!

Back Slide....

OK, so I had a bad weekend as far as the ciggies go... Had two on Sat, but then overindulged on Sunday - just said "fuck it - I'm gonna smoke today." Had about 11, I think - and man, it made me so ill - I was out like a light for two days. Did nothing almost but sleep. My Special K took me to the doctor's yesterday - had an EKG; good to know my heart's ok. Doctor asked me if I was suffering from "one-last-time-itis" and I lauged and said "Yes!" Said I was supposed to lose weight before the surgery, not gain it. And apparently I gained big time since I saw her on 4/22. So, back on the wagon this mornig - fruit & yogurt for breakfast - not a single cig since Sunday early evening.

Did make my follow-up appt from my 2nd sleep study (which went much better than the first) and to get my sleep mask this Friday. It's all starting to come together.

The Current Uncute Me

Finally scheduled!

Well, I finally have a scheduled surgery date - May 20th. I'm so excited, but nervous, too. Am I doing the right thing? I know I have a tendency to go into something hog wild only to have my interest wan down the road. And this is a for-life thing. Right now? This moment? I know I want this more than anything.

To able to walk as I was once able to... To get down and dirty in my garden (have always lived in apartments - last year, our apt went condo and we had to move. We found a duplex - first house/duplex in over 20 years for me - and I was so excited that I had an actual garden to play in, not just my "deck garden" I've always had in apartments.) To climb stairs without losing my breath... To walk the Sparkster for as long as he wanted... To go hiking or kyacking with Miss R, a friend of ours - who at 63, 14 years older than I, is in fantastic shape! Lord, there are so many things I'd like to do, but the weight is holding me back. I miss riding a bike. I really miss pretty shoes and looking nice when I get dressed up.

I do have a couple of small victories so far... Today is day 11 of not smoking (ok, had a few over the looooooong weekend - didn't realize the weekend would be so hard, and I kept myself really busy, too, so I'm not counting these :o) and when I walked Sparky on Sunday, I went a different route that had a very steep incline, one that normally would have had me stopping several times to catch my breath. I was able to walk it without stopping once and I was breathing pretty good once I got to the top. Amazing what a week and half smoke-free can do. As much as I loved smoking (and I truly did!), I love being able to breath even more.

Second sleep study tonight, to be fitted with a sleeping mask. This time, they promised me a room with a window - the first study I did was horrible with a capital H. That had been one of the worst nights of my life - I had even cut it short by leaving at 3:30 am - couldn't take it any longer. But they got enough data to determine I have acute apenea. So, it's Lone Ranger time - get to wear a mask to bed. How sexy is that?