Monday, April 20, 2009

Mind set; nothing short of amazing!

I'm telling you - having gone from hating to shop for clothing to loving is nothing short of amazing, still. I'm nearly 11 months out - down to 174 and hanging, and I'm still in constant amazement over my body. It's like it's someone else's. I don't know if I can explain this right or not, and perhaps if you've never been very heavy, you won't understand, but I have a hard time, sometimes, seeing myself in the mirror. You may find me vain - it really isn't that, though. I'm staring because oftentimes, I still cannot believe that it is, in fact, me staring back.

Going clothes shopping brings this home even further. I "know" I'm now a large, but I'm finding it hard to bring larges into the fitting room and finding them fitting just fine. I'll start with XLs only to have to go back to get a Large. When I fit a pair of pants on and I see myself in the mirror, it's incredible to see (for me, anyway) me staring back. If you'd told me a year ago that I'd be fitting quite nicely into Larges and a size 13-14 pant, I'd say you were nuts. I don't think I really expected to do this well with the tool I've been given.

I feel my head is in a healthy place. I've gotten over the wrinkles (that took some doing!) and I've gotten over the sagging skin (it's actually not as bad as I thought it was going to be), but I still find that my mind is set back to when I was big. When I fit into something I once thought impossible, whether it be a top or a chair, I'm thrilled all over again. When someone tells me how small I am now, I'm flabbergasted - just this morning, a co-worker was asking if I was in a medium. Told her no, large - and she refused to believe me. Told her I was still at 174, and she responded that she was 185 (totally didn't look it - she's so much shorter than I am, and doesn't look that heavy at all).

Rambling now - not quite sure what I'm trying to articulate here, other than, even after all this time, it's all so amazing. I wonder when it will become the "norm" for me :o)

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