Still Big!

Miss T asked me Sat if it was funny yet. Told her no; still too close :o)

Nothing exciting going on. Holding steady between 175 & 180. I'm just not strong enough to say "no" to the cookie when it calls. And as long as I don't go over 180, I don't really mind. I'm in a good place. It might not be goal, but it's good. Christmas is coming; I'll be doing a lot of baking, so I just have to watch it.

I find it interesting that in my head I am still big. My belly bothers me; my thighs looks huge, but the clothes I wear tell me something different - that I'm not as big as I think in my head. Sometimes when I really look in the mirror, I still amazed to see my chin/cheeks and collar bone. I'm amazed how some outfits I have make me look really slender. Because what I'm seeing doesn't fit the mental image, and I have to wonder when that becomes the norm. It's been a year and four months since surgery. I've been at my current weight pretty much since January (up & down). When will my head catch up with the bod?

One of the other ladies here at work that had had the surgery said she met a woman who had WLS 7 years ago. She had initially regained 40 pounds, but lost that and has maintained her goal weight all this time. I find that inspiring. One hears too many "she gained it all back" stories, and I just can't have that happen. At first, I was very cocky with "that will never happen to me," but that was way before my appetite came back and before it got easier to eat. Now I can totally see how easy it is to let yourself go and not monitor stuff and get right back up there.

I have noticed that sugar affects me more now. Since day one, I could do sugar and I did (in my coffee; every day). I would have chocolate/candy once in a blue moon. Eventually, I was able to eat cookies/cakes/pies. And I never experienced the "dumping syndrome." Well, I think it's catching up with me. If I eat/drink sugar now, my heart starts palpitating, I get all hot and flushed and I feel a bit jittery. I'm told that this is the dreaded "dumping," (I was never quite clear - I thought it meant throwing up). Apparently, sugar now has a lot shorter route to the heart, since a good portion of my intestines have been removed/rerouted, so it's like a hypo-needle straight to the heart, and the heart doesn't like that. So that's another incentive to lower the amount of sugar I eat, cuz when I go into dumping mode, I can't stand it - very uncomfortable and disconcerting.

Always something.