Today is the kind of day for why we live in the PNW - it is absolutely gorgeous outside. Warmish in the sun, but cool in the shade; low 70's. Lovin' it.
My mother passed away nearly two weeks ago and today is the first day I had a "conversation," if you will, with her. Went out on break, sat on one of the picnic benches and closed my eyes with my face in the sun. That made me think of Mum - out of the thousands of pictures that we have of her, if we're outside and it's sunny, Mum is sitting there with her eyes closed, facing the sun. So while I was thinking of her, I started "talking" to her; was she at peace now? Was it anything like she thought it would be - did she find her numerous brothers and sisters and parents? What's it like - can she feel anything now - any conscious thought as we know it? I know it seems silly; she's gone. But yet she's not. She's in my heart and soul and always will be. I have her wedding rings on and today, a crocheted sleeved vest that she made. Somehow, it makes me feel a little closer.
Last Saturday, Special K and I emptied all of her clothes drawers and one of her closets. We told Pop and Big Bro Dude to go to the movies, but Pop wasn't interested. So I thought he'd stay downstairs so he wouldn't have to watch us, but he sat at his computer on one end of their bedroom. He was even able to joke with us when comments were made (I don't think Mum had enough clothes or sweaters! My god - the sweaters! She so loved her sweaters). It was all good. And so much! We had left the Sparkster at home, and we had the trunk and the back seat totally jammed with bags. And we left several bags in their garage, cuz it all wouldn't fit. And then we took it all home and put all the bags in our guest bedroom. I looked at it all week, telling myself to get busy and start sorting (some I'd like to keep; the rest is going to either the Goodwill or St. Vincent du Paul thrift stores - she loved shopping there, so I think this would be her final nice gesture to both orgs.) But I couldn't make myself do it, until last night. Special K gently reminded me that we'll be bringing more bags home this weekend, so it would be good to make some room. So I did. At first, I was teary but once I started, it was OK. Lots of memories when she wore certain items; observations as to her style and what she liked. Before I knew it, hours had flown by and it was 11:00 at night. Time to stop, even though I wasn't yet finished. But at least I made a good dent.
Yeah, sitting in the sun today, talking to Mum - glorious, indeed!