Whew!

Stepped on the scale this morning - first time in quite a while. I've been afraid. Afraid that I've topped 200 again.

I am still 195. What a relief. I know, I know - it's only 5 pounds away, but it matters. Not sure why it makes a difference, but it does. And I've been 195 for a while now - have I settled down? Don't know. I have good days, but more often not-so-good days, eating wise.

Vacation was wonderful - will have pics up as soon as I can remember to take my memory stick home to put the pictures on. So nice to get away. We went through all sorts of weather (from sunshine to a blizzard). It was terrific to see R&W and their new digs. Still can't figure out the Patterson part, but they're happy, and that's what's most important.

While I didn't deny myself while on vacation, I found I was not eating that much only cuz we were so busy. I was fearful that I was going to gain a lot over the week just because my time was my own, and I've always been a nibbler on long drives.

Special K's nephew is getting married in May - I would really love to drop at least 10 lbs by then so that some of my summer stuff fits (it all does; just really skin tight). Plus I need to buy a new outfit for the wedding and I would hate to have to buy bigger than L or XL.

So, back to salads for lunch and no sweet snacks (cookies, cakes, candies, cookies - that sort of thing.) Did I say cookies? Was never such a cookie hound as I am now, especially those I make myself. I revised my almond shortbread thumbprint recipe and they are now killer, if I do say so myself :)

I can do this. Where's that chalkboard? I can do this.

I am so ready....

We leave tomorrow morning, early, on a road trip down the coast to mid-California to visit friends that deserted us , er, moved there last year. We saw them last at Thanksgiving, so it's been a while. Very excited. A little over 800 miles; could do it one day, but why kill ourselves. We'll stop half way Saturday night, have a nice, relaxing evening, and then head out again Sunday early. We should get there mid-afternoon Sunday.

It's been a very long time since Special K and I took an actual vacation. We did a little long-weekend thing last year, when we did the Cascade Loop in July - was great fun, but too short. So, this will be very nice. And we're bringing the Sparkster with us - he does love his car rides and he loves to be with his people.

At first, I was bummed, because after much talking about our coming, our friends decided they'd rather not have Sparks in the house (we were going to stay with them) because they have new carpets. Don't blame them, plus knowing their carpets are new, I'm glad it worked out the way it did; we found a nice hotel not a mile from their house that takes dogs and has smoking rooms, so we'll be more comfortable, anyways :o)

Eating wise, it seems I'm able to eat more and more normally. Quanities are still less than it used to be, but not much bothers the pouch any more.

Bummer.

Uh, oh...

In speaking with my brother-in-law this weekend, I found out that my sister-in-law (who had had weight loss surgery years ago) has regained about 100 pounds. I feel so badly for her - I see exactly how easy it would be to do that. When I first started this journey and I would either hear or read stories about folks that have done that, I just couldn't imagine how that was possible, seeing as to how little I could eat at the time.

But that dreaded pouch stretches, damn it. Just like a regular stomach, it stretches. So if you constantly overfill it, it will do just that. I take back every mean thing I ever thought about Carnie Wilson and her struggles with her weight loss/regain/loss and regain again.

The thing that surprises me is that after almost a year of feeling yuck and not wanting to eat, to come full circle almost to the same intensity of hunger that I had pre-surgery - I don't see how it is possible. I thought if you do something steady for 3 - 4 weeks, it becomes habit. Uh, uh. Ain't so. Every morning, I start off with a determination not to eat anything; just fast for a few days and then go on fruits/salads/soups. I never get past mid-morning and my innards are growling at me "FEED ME, SEYMOUR!" And I'll be good - I'll go have oatmeal or an apple, but then comes lunch, and all of a sudden, my good intentions are out the window and instead of that salad I so lovingly made that morning, I'll go have a sandwich or a burger. And even though I cannot eat the entire sandwich or burger, it's a lot more calories than I need to be having.

Not sure where to go from here. Obviously, I'm not good at listening to myself.

Life goes on...

I suppose it wasn't meant to be. What I was hoping for did not pan out. C'est la vie.

Keep fingers crossed for me!

Can't share too much, but I am so excited. I have an appointment tomorrow that can be life-changing. Keep your fingers crossed for me! Will share more depending on the outcome :o)