Gastric Bypass and Me

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-15T09:44:00.000-08:00

I apologize; life's been crazybusy and I just don't think about this blog much anymore. My surgery was 4.5 years ago and I've pretty much stabilized. I had gained another 10, but I've lost that (although that's more because I'm having trouble with my teeth :) ); hoping I can use this as a jump start to get back on track. I've read that it's common for WLS patients to regain the few years after surgery, but then there are those that get back on track and lose it again, but then there are those that regain almost all that they have lost. I'm not even going there.

So, Happy Holidays to my family and friends not here with us this season! You all are very much missed - I swear, if anyone else thinks about moving, I'm going to have to come hunt you down and drag you back :)<

Merry, merry, joy, joy!

2011-11-16T13:22:00.000-08:00

Fido Fest 2011

2011-09-26T15:01:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Gizmo Day; the HS walk (piece of cake) and then the festival afterwards. Very small but very nice. First time we've gone - I think if they went for a different venue (like Marymore Park), they'd attract more vendors and more walkers, and then we could walk through the park instead of city streets. But they did good - collected $140,000, I think the end total was. And we had a ball!

And because we wanted to avoid the presidental motorcade crap, we drove home the loooong way, over the top of Lake Washington. We headed north instead of south and had a very nice Sunday drive. We came up around through Woodinville and then Redmond, so of course we had to stop at Marymore Park and let Gizmo romp there. He is such a joy to watch run around and play with the other dogs. I swear we see him smile. Big. And then we get him home around 6ish and he proceeds to pretty much nap the evening away. All that fresh air and exercise - we need to do that more often.

Walk for the Animals!

2011-09-01T15:16:00.000-07:00

Giz and I will be walking on 9/25 for the Seattle Humane Society's Walk for the Animals. Special K is coming, but she'll sit the walk out and then afterwards is Fidofest, for which she will join us. Think I'll borrow a wheelchair for that - we went to the Evergreen State Fair this Monday past with Mr T and had a lot of fun. We rented a wheelchair and it made it so much more enjoyable for her.

If you're looking and you've got a few extra shekles:

http://shs.convio.net/site/TR?px=1045687&pg=personal&fr_id=1070&et=FFRAtUDKBFBy3xDgCzAkWQ&s_tafId=1421

My donation page :)

Thank you!

R&W

2011-08-18T09:30:00.000-07:00

R&W came to visit not too long ago; up from Patterson, California. They stayed for a nice long weekend and since Special K isn't very mobile these days, we took it easy and just caught up on stuff. Very good to see them. I'm happy that they get to spend their retirement as road warriors and getting to see so much of the country (yes, my eyes are green - some day our turn will come), but Lord, I miss them. Now they're thinking of relocating to Reno, NV (actually, a small town north of Reno - Dayton, I think they said). At least that's closer; would make for a nice drive. Love those road trips!

Company for Giz

2011-06-23T16:57:00.001-07:00

We're having company this weekend; a little guy named Hugh (a pug/beagle mix). Very excited to see how the Giz reacts. He loves to play with other dogs his size when we take him to the park - the larger ones kind of freak him out a little, although if they're friendly, he comes around and will play just as well with them, too.

I certainly hope our Gizmo will be gentleman about sharing his space and his mamas. He's so sweet natured, though - I just know this is going to be a success.

Delft Blue

2011-06-17T09:59:00.000-07:00

For my dad's birthday, my aunt (his younger sister) offered to either fly him to Holland for a visit or a cruise to Alaska. He chose the cruise - been wanting to do that for years, but Mum never cared to go. So she came week before last and they left a week ago Sunday, returning this Sunday past. They had a good time. And she's so sweet - every time she comes, she brings us "kids" something; this time, she brought me these: Aren't they gorgeous? I love anything blue and white; always have, so it's a no-brainer that I would love Delft Blue pottery. And I've been wanting a new canister set - was getting tired of my Coke ones. Thank you, Tante!!!

In February, she brought me the cutest shopping bag - also in Delft Blue style. I need to get a shot of that up here. I know these pics aren't terrific, but not bad for a camera phone.

Happy now, Miss T? :) I'll try to get better with this blog. The original intent, which was my weight loss journey, seems to have fallen to the wayside. I've gained back about 50 lbs. Not happy, but apparently, not willing to deal with getting it back off. It's on a back burner. I'm still way better off than I once was, and I can still fit into a lot of my new clothing, but I need to get back on the stick and at least get it back under 200. I was so happy there - not sure how I could have let this happen.

Girls just wanna have fun!

2011-04-12T09:26:00.000-07:00

Product launch party - yes, they actually invited Issaquah employees this time; not just sales folks, although we didn't get the goodie bag :( This was at the Edgewater Hotel in Seattle - had a good time. Special K got tipsy! So rare lol and so fun :)

Meet our new boy - Gizmo

2011-04-01T16:02:00.001-07:00

My heart had such a hurt when we had to send Sparks on. I was determined that we would not get another canine companion for quite a long time, if ever. One question I would like answered when (if!) I hit the Pearly Gates - why did You not make it so they last as long as we do? What is with this 12 - 16 years crap? To totally love some being so completely and unconditionally, as they do you, to have to let them go so soon after you get them all entangled in your life. Totally not cool.

Special K, as grieving therapy, was looking through the petfinders and craigslist sites, looking at all the available pups out there. She knew I didn't want another - she was of the same mind. Then we found this one. This is Gizmo. A 5-year old Westie Special K found on craigslist. On the Wednesday after Sparks left us. It was if he sent this one to us, saying "here's the boy you thought you were getting when you took me." I answered the ad; agreed to a meet and greet at a park close by on the following Saturday. In my heart, I thought, no dice - there isn't any replacement for Sparks.

So we go to the park on Saturday. And we meet "Yayo" and his little family. They have a 2 1/2 year terror, she was going back to school as well as working full time and they decided they could "no longer care" for "Yayo." I asked what Yayo meant (they're Asian - I figured it was a word for something), but she said she just made it up. Long story short (I know; too late); we loved him and he seemed to like us.

So we took him home. His birthday is February 9, 2006. His pedigree papers say so. They also say his birth name was Gizmo yada yada yada something Westie. Gizmo isn't much of an improvement over Yayo, but it kinda sounds the same and that's what we've been calling him. The name has grown me, much as Sparky had (he came with that name; didn't like it either. I always wanted a Westie named Sebastian or Basil; something a little more sophisticated, as that's how I picture the breed - not Three Stooges kinda names lol But I have to admit; they fit better than the ones I wanted).

He came with issues - like drinking copious amounts of water and peeing everywhere. And pooping. Everywhere. Inside. Should have had a clue when she handed me his leash, his medical and birth/purchase records, a toy and two pee pads. I thought it odd; no bed, no crate, no food bowl, no left-over dog food. Pee pads. Uh, huh. Found out why. But then she also shared that they kept him crated during the day while they were at work and at night while they slept. That's two-thirds of the day.

Because of these issues, we decided to crate him too, while we were at work. Monday, I came home on my lunch to let him out and to romp with him, give him some water and some lovin'. Tuesday, same thing. But when I went to put him back into the crate, I noticed the fluffy towel I had in there was shoved to the back, so I reached in to pull it forward and, ewwwwww, it was soaked.

I've always read and heard that dogs won't mess where they're confined. Not true. That towel was soaked in urine. No wonder the bottom half of this dog is yellow. He was made to sit in his own urine every day. Poor guy. We were so worried with the amount of water he was drinking and the amount he was peeing that we took him to the vet to have him checked out. Had blood work done. Urine and stool analysis; we figured if he had diabetes or some other disease, we couldn't afford to keep him. We wouldn't give him back to the family as we had agreed if we decided we weren't going to keep him, though - I'm thinking how they "cared" for him was border-line abuse. We would have surrendered him up to the NW Westie Rescue folks.

Never came to that, though - he got a clean bill of health. It's all in his head. Because it appeared they limited his access to water. And after a week, we noticed the drinking slowed down. So of course, the peeing did, too. He figured out that water was plentiful and always available, so he doesn't need to drink it like it's going out of style. Plus, he's so smart and we've been working hard to get him outside every chance we could. Here we are, almost 3 weeks later, and he's pretty much house trained. We leave two pee pads out for him, just in case, but he hasn't pooped in the house in over a week. He does get up in the night to go pee, but now he pees on the pad. Such a good, smart boy.

And he is the total opposite of Sparks - very affectionate (almost too much - always wants your lap if you're sitting), very alert, very active. Such a joy. Not that Sparks wasn't - just in a very different way. And he seems very happy with us - probably very grateful we have no rugrats in the house (while at the park that first day, we saw the toddler yank at his ears, kick him in the ribs and the mother told us that he kept trying to ride the dog like a pony, so yeah, I'd say he's real happy there are no little ones in our house.) He's a keeper. One thing that tells me that Sparks sent Gizmo to us - when I went to the craigslist ad to respond to it a second time (they didn't answer the first one); I noted that their ad was posted on March 7th.

That's the day Sparks left us.

R.I.P. Mr. Sparky No-barky

2011-03-07T10:00:00.001-08:00

R.I.P. Mr. Sparky No-barky. Our Sparlicious, our Sparklefarkle, our Snuffleopolus, Mr. Snufflebutt - our Handsome Dog Dude - we know you'll be waiting for us at the Rainbow Bridge. We love you lots! Mama Kat & Mama Car

Sparks

2011-02-22T13:34:00.000-08:00

Something’s up with Sparks. Saturday night (about 3:00 am) I woke up to Special K freaking out – Sparky was stuck in a corner behind the dresser/printer cabinet, where there are all the wires from the TV/cable/printer/heater, etc., making all sorts of ruckus because he couldn’t get out. I got up, got him out (had to pull him out by his tail – so glad I caught a Westie documentary once where they said the tail was bred to be real strong, to drag Westies out of rabbit holes, etc, since they love to dig and tunnel.) Once I put him down, he kind of stumbled a bit, trying to get up, but it was like his back legs wouldn’t work. When he finally got up, he started walking. And walking. And walking. In circles throughout the house. Over and over and over again. I would pick him up and cradle him and rock him, but it was as if he couldn’t/didn’t either see me or know me. He would wiggle violently until I put him down where the walking would continue. And he kept getting into places that he couldn’t figure out how to get out of, and that would agitate him even more. After nearly an hour of this, I finally put him the hallway bathroom after I took everything off the floor except the fluffy rugs, plus I put one of his beds in there and then I closed the door. I sat up for another 15-20 minutes and listened to him bumping into the walls as he walked and walked and walked. Talk about scary. In the morning, I opened the door and he was lying on the rug. Once he saw me, he got up and was his old self again. Sunday night, he slept the whole night through. But then it happened again last night. This time I knew to put him right away into the bathroom and we listened to him thumping around for a bit, and this morning, again, he was on the rug, just lying there, like nothing was wrong.

I looked it up on the Internet – it can be a number of things, but the one that fits is that he’s having some sort of seizure and then the walking comes. He had a total blood work-up done about 6 mos ago, but it looks like we need to do that again and see what’s up. I certainly hope this is treatable.

Some of the other senarios: he's in pain and trying to walk away from it. Animals do that - weird, huh? Their brain can't comprehend that one cannot walk away from pain. Don't think that's it, though - he's not wimpering. And it could be part of the dementia/blindness thing. I guess I shouldn't try to guess and just get his furry little white butt to the vet and find out for sure. Won't be Banfields - fed up with those folks.

Just really hope it's treatable and that he's not in any pain that he cannot tell us about. I really truly do hope the Rainbow Bridge is real and that one day, he'll be able to share stuff with us. So frustrating not knowing what he's thinking and feeling.

Dr. Doolittle, where are you when I need you?

"NEED MY BLOG FIX"

2011-02-04T13:38:00.000-08:00

Miss T, I love you :) Here I'm thinking no-one will care if I don't update and then I get your e-mail, "requesting" an update. Very cute it is that you are!

Nothing really new. My New Year's resolution lasted about a week and a half. Off again; on again. I am being more careful; not buying boxes of donuts and not having wine every night - just on the weekends... and maybe Thursday :) Trying to cut out at least the snacking. My pants still fit, so for now, that's working.

Yes, I'd like to lose the 40 I put on, but I keep having to remind myself that I am still 115 pounds less than I once was. In my mind, I'm totally all fat again - it's amazing how your mind can mess with you. I put on a Packer (GO PACK!) turtleneck this morning, thinking it was going to be way too tight (it's an XL). We bought it years ago on a trip to Milwaukee and it was half off and it was the largest size they had. At that time, it was painful to wear, it was so tight, but I did, under my Farve jersey (that was when we went for the Seahawk/Pack game at Lambeau field, so we're talking 8 years ago or so). Well, guess what - it fits; if anything, it's a little big! And the Farve jersey I'm wearing today - it's huge! So I'm not as big as I think I am in my head.

Weird, huh?

Co-hosting a SBS party at Mr. T's house on Sunday - very small group this year. Only 4 of us with 2 dropping in for a short while. T&J, we'll miss you :(

Can't believe that whoever is responsible for scheduling these things scheduled a nation-wide event such as the Super Bowl to start at 6;30 at night (which makes it 3:30 PST). Don't they realize folks gotta work the next day? How smart is that? Either schedule it for a Saturday, where it doesn't matter or have it earlier in the day.

Man, just got my pc "migrated" from one server to another - pain in the ass; don't like it one bit. Now my e-mail's all screwed up.

That's it - I'm done. It's the weekend; I'm taking Monday off! You all have a great weekend and of course,

GO PACK GO!

2 or 3

2011-01-06T12:03:00.000-08:00

So far, so good. I have lost 2 or 3 pounds since Monday. I have to remember to bring my glasses into the bathroom with me in the morning when I go get ready for work. That's why it says "2 or 3" - I'm fairly sure it was on the 215. Thought for a fleeting (very cold) second to go run & get my glasses, but it is freakin' cold in our house during the winter (too dang expensive to keep the heater running too high for too long - old house; too many leaks/drafts), and I wasn't about to run out to the kitchen in my all-together just for that.

It's being harder than I hoped it would be, with my new mental resolve. I have not had anything with sugar (meaning, chocolates, cookies, donuts, cakes) all week and I've been eating well - salads, fruits, soups. No wine or any other alcoholic libations. In the evening, I nurse a cup of coffee so I feel I'm having "something," but I still need a munchy something or other. One night it was some Gouda cheese & a few crackers, others - a little handful of stick pretzels. I'd rather not be eating that time of night, but if I don't it'll roll over into something bigger, so I have to be satisfied that this is what's working. I am such a sugar addict, though - I'm really missing my pastries/cookies - also my squishy-white-bread sandwiches; such a big no-no!

Last night I made BLTs for Special K - she got hers on a Kaiser roll; I got mine as a lettuce wrap - piece of bacon, smidgen of mayo (I was going to buy the "lite" but I just couldn't bring myself to do it), nice tomato slices all wrapped up in a nice lettuce leaf. Had two of those - very satisfying. Didn't miss the bread then at all. I'm making baked gnocchi with Italian sausage tonight - eating lighter during the day so I can have a few - just going to skip the melted cheese & the sausage. The sausage; no big deal - never cared for Italian sausage much, but it will be hard to pass up the melted cheese! I bought oranges, though; going to cut one up and snack on that after dinner; hopefully that will satisfy my sweet tooth.

Started a food diary again; it really helps to jot down every little single thing that goes into my mouth to see how the calories can add up. I'm averaging 1000 - 1100 calories a day. I know I will have to cut even further in a week or so, to see more weight drop off, but I figured I'd ease myself back into the right routine.

The cookie isn't winning this time.

Happy 2011!

2011-01-03T13:17:00.000-08:00

It's a new year. Yea. Stepped on the scale this morning. No yea. 218. A gain of 48 pounds. Ugh.

A new resolve and so far, so good. Had plenty of opportunity today to blow it and I haven't. Had my yogurt & cereal for breakfast (instead of the sandwich I've been accustomed to) - had a protein bar at about 11:00 and just now have a spring green salad with light honey mustard (Newman's Own - killer dressing). My boss asked me to provide lunch for a meeting today; typically, that means lunch for me, too, but I didn't order myself one. And then, just now, had an errand to run with Special K and she wants Mickey D for lunch. Damn, I really could have gone for some fries, but no, I didn't order any :)

Let's see how long this lasts. I just have to remember to how good it felt to feel my hip bones and my collar bones and how much easier the stairs were (they're still OK - I've kept the habit of using the stairs as opposed to taking the elevator, but I've noticed the last month or so, that I feel my upper thighs a lot more than I have been). I have to remember how good it felt to fit in smaller sized clothing. I had to go buy a few pair of pants and I bought 16s (I now know not to get rid of everything big - stuff happens, right?). I'm fitting into XL shirts - my L's are a bit tight and not comfortable. Some don't fit at all, like my pretty purple vest that I loved so much that first winter.

But I am determined. I've read that many gastric bypass patients have a weight gain the first few years out, but then they get back on track and lose it again. And since the good doctor said my pouch isn't horribly stretched out, I feel it's totally doable.

And I need to find someway to exercise, since the Sparkster can't go that far anymore, even if it's just going for a walk by myself, and I know exercise is key. Going to be 52 next month - wanna keep all mobile for as long as I can.

2008 was the year of the "new" me; 2011 will be the year that "new" me comes back :)

Merry Christmas (a few days late)

2010-12-27T13:45:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas, everyone (all two of you readers) - hope it was wonderful! Ours was nice and quiet, but fun. Went over to Dad's on Xmas Eve- made a rib roast; came out wonderful. I felt Mum was with us. We had bought packages of socks for the boys and marked them from "Santa" - Mum made a point each year to buy both Dad & Big Bro Dude socks and underwear at Xmas ("anything to make a package under the tree!" was her motto), and she wrote "from Santa" on all her presents. So, when they both got their socks (they're on their own, underwear-wise) and saw the "from Santa," they both laughed. They got it.

Spent Xmas day with Mr T and another friend joined us. This time, we made a ham. I had found a recipe for scalloped potatoes and made that for the first time - came out killer. Another nice, quiet day spent congenially.

Never did get my boxes out - only one to Special K's brother, since he's away from family/friends and on his own. And he got that on Xmas Eve, so very timely :) Hoping to get the rest out this week - I like to think the folks getting them will appreciate another package after the day.

The "S" word is in our forecast - I certainly hope not. Supposed to go to Dad's again on New Year's Eve, but if it snows with any accumulation, we're not going anywhere. Big Bro Dude is bringing his two fellows (he's a caregiver now, for two developmentally challenged men) for New Year's Eve - I have a bag made up for each, so I'm really hoping we can make it. Plus, I'm making the traditional Dutch New Year Eve's pastry (oilieballen) - Mum always did. It's a beer-batter deep fried donut of sorts, with either apple, raisin or pineapple in the dough and once out of the oil, you dust them real good with powder sugar. Major yum! Pop's excited that I'm going to give it a try.

Now, if the damn snow fairies will make sure the roads are clear on Friday, we'll be good to go.

Finally

2010-12-21T12:31:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I didn't get our Xmas cards out until yesterday, a mere four days before Xmas. I've been making our own cards for years now, but this year, I had a huge mental block. Nothing looked right. I did find one pic I liked (snowy mountains with a thin Santa on a bicycle along a mountain path), but Special K didn't care for it. So we broke down and bought some the other night at the World Market. My. God. When they get to be so expensive! We saw these really pretty angel cards - package only had 8 cards and they wanted 19.99! Even at 50% off, that was $10 bucks. For 8 cards. Are they out of their flippin' minds? I told K we were in the wrong business - lol

But they're done. And out. Now tonight I have a few boxes to pull together (for family out of state). To mail tomorrow. Actually to FedEx tomorrow.

Next year, we're going to do all our Xmas shopping/wrapping, etc and be done by August.

Yeah. Right.

Don't laugh, but I'm a "Farmer"

2010-12-13T11:54:00.001-08:00

Yep, got involved in that silly Farmville on Facebook. Years ago, had a friend in Facebook that kept sending me Farmville messages and I finally asked her to stop. She said she can't unless she unfriends me, as that's the nature of Facebook; however, I could "block" Farmville related items, so I'd still get her stuff, all except the Farmville crap. So I did that. Much better.

Fast forward a bunch of years - I had asked Big Bro Dude how Dad's doing and he said really good; much better than he had expected. He said Dad's been very involved with this new game on Facebook called Farmville. Told him it wasn't new - been around for a while. He said that's funny; it still says "Beta." Shared with him that I read somewhere that beta means never having to say you're sorry :)

So he asked if I would sign up and be a neighbor for Dad and him. I said no, thank you. He said pretty please; Dad's been very busy in there but in order for it to play right, one needs neighbors. So I gave in. Said OK, sign me up. And there went the last of my free time.

I am obsessed; totally hooked. In the evening, once the critters & Special K is fed and Spark is walked and the kitchen is clean, then it is my relaxation time and I go Farm. I actually have two farms, as I've taken over Special K's facebook account and built her one, too. You can go for hours on that thing, if you do everything you're supposed to do to advance in levels. I'm only playing for about not quite a month and already I've passed both of my Dad's farms (that's how well he likes it; he created another FB account in his father's name so that he could have two farms. Don't blame him - not alot (any?) of his friends are into FV and you gotta have neighbors in order for it to work right).

Last night, I got all the ingredients out to make a new Xmas cookie recipe I've been wanting to try and told myself, "ok, when I'm done farming, I'm coming to make these cookies." It was 11:30 by the time I was "finished." The thing is, stuff you do generates other stuff that the other farm can then go get, which in turn, generates more stuff again, so I can go back and forth between the two farms for hours. Talk about a time-waster.

Which ordinarily wouldn't be a bad thing, except Xmas is only two weeks away. I haven't even made our Xmas cards yet (big mental block this year - keep trying but nothing feels or looks right). Keep this up and I'll be sending happy new year cards instead :P We got a lot of the shopping done, but I still need to make tons of cookies, fudge and chex mix (Special K's asked that I do that this year for her guys at work).

I keep telling myself to limit it to a half-hour a day, max. A co-worker and his wife are neighbors (and have been sweet enough to pick up Dad and Big Bro Dude, too) and he told me he too went hog wild at first, spending so much time in there that his little ones were getting fretful - Daddy won't play with us anymore - when he heard that, that's when he started the half an hour a day limit thing. But a half hour is not enough (do I sound like a junkie or what?)

But then I remember how my Dad's face lit up when Big Bro Dude told him I was their new "neighbor" - so totally worth it.

And, uh, anyone reading this - if you happen to be a Farmer too; find me on facebook and let's be neighbors, 'k? Can always use more :)

The other "C" word

2010-11-22T11:55:00.000-08:00

Saw Dr L Friday. The biopsy on the upper GI came back clean. Nothing wrong - all looks very good, he said. My pouch isn't even that stretched out. Reason for weight gain; poor food choices (durp! and let's not forget the wine and brandy). Totally still possible to lose the weight and use the tool I've been given properly. So easily said.

Now the two polups he found - he said they were both the "flat kind" and he was able to totally remove one, but only part of the other. Plus, he said if there's two, there's probably more, but since the sedatives were wearing off, he couldn't continue. They're not cancerous yet, but he said these are the kind that will turn cancerous and must be removed. So he wants another colonoscopy. I said no way, Jose; it was just too awful; I can't do it again. He said I don't have a choice here. He also promises that I will not feel it as he won't be doing anything else and will have enough time to get to where he's got to go without me feeling anything. I said ok, deal, as long as I can have the first appointment of the day (which turned out only to be an hour earlier - doctor works bankers hours - lol).

So, he takes me out to the young lady behind the desk and tells her I need to be scheduled for another procedure, and I said you bet; I enjoyed the first one so much, I wanna do it again! Gotta laugh about it, right?

Right?

Medical stuff

2010-11-16T12:46:00.000-08:00

I had gone to see my surgeon last month (think I posted that here) as I was concerned about a few things; most notably is my having to use Prilosec sometimes twice a day. Yesterday, I had the upper GI and the colonoscopy done. I thought the worse would be yesterday morning - no cigs, no coffee, until after I got out. Ugh. I was wrong.

I don't remember the upper GI, although my throat is very sore today, but I do remember, in detail, the other one. I always assumed that they knocked you out to do this. But they only "sedate" you - two different types; I forget the names, except one was an opiate. I felt everything down there and it was not pleasant, nor was I. I can't believe the nurse told me how good I was when all I remember is bitching and cussing at them to basically stop it; that I changed my mind. And of course, they didn't listen.

Once out of recovery, Special K picked me up in the discharge circle and we were on our way home. My cigs were right there in the car and she bought me a bottle of water (what a sweetheart - I was so dehydrated!) I felt a little woozy, but not at all loopy like I thought I'd be, so I suggested going out for lunch (early dinner) - I was starving! So we did. I way overordered, but it was good :)

Now I have to wait until Friday for my follow-up with the doctor. The pictures of the upper showed a spot that they're sending in for a biopsy. That's a little frightening. And the pictures of the other shows two polups - one looks nasty and red; and it says something about a follow-up colonoscopy.

Not in my lifetime. Uh, uh - once was enough.

Anne Bergsma - RIP

2010-11-01T13:43:00.000-07:00

Just found out last week that my mother's brother (last living one; she had 11 brothers and 2 sisters) was also very ill - very similar to Mum's situation in that he was in a lot of pain; there was nothing they could do for him, except give him morphine to dull the pain. His body, like Mum's, was strong and didn't want to go gently into the night. Took nearly a week for him, as well, but he did pass away this past Saturday.

I met him just a few times and knew he was a lovely person. Wouldn't have minded knowing him better, but he was mainly in Australia for many years (Mum emigrated to the US, Anne to Australia and the rest stayed in Holland - whatever wunderlust there was in that family went all to Mum and Anne lol).

I like to think that Mum was right there, ready to take Anne by the hand and help him cross over, and that they, along with the rest of their siblings and parents, are all together now.

No clue as to what's waiting for us, if anything, when we take our final breath. But I like my idea - it's comforting. So until someone shows me scientific proof that it ain't so, that's what I'm going to believe.

Spiderman

2010-10-15T13:47:00.001-07:00

Mr T sent me an e-mail today - he does this often; usually what he's been doing and observations he made. He's retired and lovin' it - he truly gets full enjoyment out of each and every day. I'm posting his e-mail - I love it. So simple, yet, to me, so profound:

Looking out the office window, I just realised that my big spiders are gone.. All of them, webs and all.. It's as tho someone or something took it upon themselves to rid my view of the gang.. I have never paid much attention before, but this bunch, there was 5 or 6 of 'em; was interesting to watch. I saw a seed leaf drop onto one of the biggest webs yesterday, all the spider did was circle around the leaf, cutting it loose from the web and watched it fall, he then went to work repairing the part that he had removed,and the web was good as new.. I never thought that I would be saddened by a bunch of big spiders just disappearing like that.. Funny how life can be.. In years past, I most likely would have wiped them out myself.. I am so glad that every day is different, no matter in how ever a small way. Without even thinking about it, I have much to be thankful for.. Loves'n Hugs... ex-spider man...

Pretty cool, huh? Yeah, I thought so, too.

New member of the family; kinda...

2010-10-12T08:48:00.000-07:00

So, we're keeping the kitty. Actually, not so much "keeping" her, but we'll be her caretakers as long as she feels like hanging around. Can't have her inside (there's that nipping thing she does), but I've made it comfortable outside on the deck for her. Walgreen's had these fleece blankets on sale week before last for $1.98, so I bought two. Got one on the wicker chair she likes to sit in (the nights are getting colder already!)

Read an article last week in the Seattle Times about a woman (a retiree) who goes around, catching feral cats, getting them checked out by a vet, spay/neuter (if they're not already), vaccinations, and then tries to find a place for them - whether that be back to where she found them (if someone there is willing to be their caretaker), or if they're young enough, try to find an actual home for them. Those that aren't rehomable or have no place to go, get sent to a cat sanctuary in Snohomish - big piece of property where they have a barn for when it's cold and they get fed and medical care, if needed, and loving, if they want that :) Pretty cool organization: www.feralcare.org

I sent them an e-mail with some questions; turns out that orange & white tabbies are typically male. They're going to get a cat-trap to me so that I can bring my kittie to get checked out, spayed or neutered, shots, etc., and then I'll get her (him?) back. Will be good to know the sex - then I can come up with a proper name.

I need ideas, folks - I thought I liked Tabitha, but I've changed my mind. Special K likes just "Cat" which I suppose would be alright, but that's kinda boring.

An empty Thanksgiving...

2010-10-11T16:35:00.000-07:00

Wow - it just hit me today.

The last bunch of years, we have had a house-full on Thanksgiving, but this year:

- Mum's gone
- T&J moved to Reno
- R&W retired down to Patterson, CA (well, they did that last year)
- Sharon retired to Minnesota

Well, we'll have the boys over: Pop, Wim, Mr T, Mr Grouchface - and us two gals. Total of 6. Ouch - oh, wait! Miss P! She came last year and had a blast; I'll bet she'll come again. That makes 7 :) Need to find one more chickie to make 4 guys & 4 gals.

All these retirees. I wanna retire - so very ready to become a lady of leisure.

Ha. Not in this lifetime.

The Dreaded "C" procedure...

2010-10-06T12:46:00.000-07:00

Sigh. I knew, once I hit 50, that I was going to have to have this done, but I thought I could squeak by for another year or so. Nope.

Saw my surgeon; he was very complimentary and tried to reassure me that most weight loss patients will go through a weight gain once their appetite returns to somewhat normal levels. He did get on me for not keeping up with the vitamins and the water intake, but then, I knew he would. He was, however, concerned about my complaint of needing Prilosec twice a day, oftentimes, although he did assure me that I will probably have to take them for life. I had thought that I read somewhere that Prilosec can do damage to the liver and that was my fear. Thought by now, I wouldn't need it anymore. But, man, when I forget to take that stupid little pill in the morning, I die later on in the day. Well, not "die;" that's a little over-dramatic, but it sure does hurt. A lot. He's also concerned that I feel hungry. All the time. Even after I've just eaten. Says that's not normal.

So he's scheduled me for an upper GI and a colonoscopy (gonna get me from both ends) at the same time; that way, he only needs to knock me out once. What a sweetheart. Yuck. Special K's had this done several times over the years and while the procedure itself isn't bad (you're out cold - you feel nothing, but loopy when you wake up :) ), it's the preparation the day before. That jug with a gazillion ounces of gross-tasting stuff that's supposed to cleanse the system. And then no eating/drinking/smoking anything from midnight Sunday until after the procedure, which will be 11 am the next morning.

I can deal with all of that - even the noxious tasting stuff. But no coffee in the morning? No cigs?

Just dig a hole and throw me in. Because it ain't gonna be pretty.

Ug! 40 :(

2010-09-29T13:32:00.000-07:00

OK, I finally weighed myself this morning. 210 pounds. Argh.

Couple weeks ago, I made an appointment (this Friday) to go talk to my surgeon to see if there's any adjustment that can be done. Not only for the weight gain, but I'm still on Prilosec - sometimes, I need two a day. That's not normal. By now, I understand I shouldn't need them anymore, but dang, if I forget to take one in the morning, by mid-morning, my innards feel really painful. I've learned to carry some with me for those times I forget.

I've done some research on-line and apparently there are things they can do. Special K doesn't believe I'm large enough to warrant any of it - that the surgeon will tell me to just quit eating the wrong stuff and exercise more. I hope not. That won't work. I am hungry. Constantly. Even after I've eaten already. Even when I've overeaten and my stomach hurts - underneath is that hunger feeling. Very bizzare. I can only assume something ain't right.

40 pounds. Damn.

We've been adopted

2010-09-28T12:33:00.000-07:00

For the past week, we've had a daily, constant visitor - an orange/white tabby, who happens to be very vocal. I remember her/him (I can never tell with cats; for simplicity sake, it's a "her") from last winter. She'd sit outside the kitchen window while I was cooking and meow - very loudly. I would then find a can of tuna or something, and some milk and put it out for her. She'd eat and then she'd go away. Then she was gone - not sure where she went. I do believe she belongs to someone, even though she hasn't got a collar, but her coat is so very soft and clean. I cannot believe she's feral. At first, I thought she was our old neighbor's cat, Snooks - looks very much like her, but Snooks was aloof and bratty; doesn't fit this kitty at all.

Well, she's back. Last week, I heard her outside the window while cooking. Did the tuna/milk thing - first few days, she'd run away and watch from a distance while I set her dinner down and wouldn't come back until I was back inside. But she got more trusting and finally allowed me to pet her. Instead of front of the kitchen window, I now set her dinner down on the deck.

Did I tell you she's vocal? And quite a little piggy, too. You'd think she hadn't eaten forever, but she looks healthy (I thought at first she might be pregnant, but I don't think so anymore - just very healthy). But as long as she sees me in there, she'll meow until she's sated.

I'm learning to ignore her. Only cuz she can only eat so much, you know? I don't want to make her sick. I'm surprised; it's usually dogs that will eat until their stomach is protruding; cats will nibble and then walk away. Not this one.

Few nights ago, she scooted inside while I had the sliding glass door open to put her food down. I tried to get her to go outside to her dish, but she was checking out the living room and made for the hallway, so I ran after her and picked her up. She nipped a little at my fingers, but I figured she smelled the turkey on them. She didn't seem to mind being held and I was rather enjoying having her in my arms.

Until the little fucker bit my nose.

No warning, no nothing - just bit - and hard! I now have a nice red streak down the left side of my nose. It's big enough on it's own - it didn't need this attention. Out the door she went. And while I'm still feeding her, she is not allowed in. If she did that to my nose, imagine what she might do to Sparks. And that just won't do. This is his house, where he is King.

So, she blew it. She had me suckered in. And she was almost an inside cat.

Until she bit my nose.

Happy Birthday, Mum

2010-09-22T13:13:00.001-07:00

Seems to be working...

2010-09-21T16:39:00.000-07:00

So, alright; the little shit looks really cute with a t-shirt on. I admit it. Call me silly.

And it seems to be working - all of it; not just the t-shirt. He's hardly pooped inside this whole past week - even peeing less inside. Special K stayed home yesterday and when I got home from work, what a greeting I got from him! It felt so nice :) He seems to be sleeping the night through.

So, looks like we're on the right path. Whew.

Keep your fingers crossed for us.

Mr. Demento

2010-09-13T13:39:00.000-07:00

If it's not one thing, it's another. Now it's poor Sparks.

Our little old guy has been off for the past many months. Heavy panting when it's not warm, walking in circles, walks into corners or furniture and then just stands there, like he's not sure where he is, and the bathroom issues. Lots of bathroom issues. It was just peeing, but he used to have an occasional accident. Now it's daily. Usually two or three times. And the poopin'. That's not so bad yet, but he never, ever would poop in the house (except that one time when we were gone all day and I mean allllll day - poor guy couldn't hold it anymore - that was our fault.) And we just had our carpets cleaned. I thought that would help - with all the smells gone.

Nope.

And the carpet guy said to stop using the Oxy rug stuff - that just makes it worse. Just use vinegar and water, which I have been doing and it does work terrific. Thank god for that.

At first we attributed his walking into stuff and then just standing there to his cataracts. But the heavy panting and the bathroom problems; Special K knew it had to be something else. She came up with dementia. So we looked it up. Seems right on target. And we found that other things that hadn't occurred to us now makes sense, like him not greeting us like he used to when we come home. Sure, he's still right there at the door but he runs past and up and down the hallway without jumping up on us like he used to. And the sleeplessness. I wake up almost nightly to his heavy panting and him wandering around the house. He used to sleep the night through.

There are some homeopathic things we found on-line that we're going to try. If we don't see marked improvement over the next two weeks, we found a new vet on-line that we'd like to try. He's way up in Monroe, but the reviews for him on yelp are freaking fantastic, and he's open on Saturdays, so we can visit Mr T at the same time.

It's kinda funny - one of the "remedies" is that we get him a t-shirt or a Thundershirt or an anxiety shirt (last two are pretty pricy; we're gonna try the t-shirt first). This will supposedly calm his anxiety and help with the panting and the feeling of listlessness. What I find funny is that I never wanted to dress him up in "human" clothes. I think folks who dress their animal companions up in sweaters and coats and costumes are just plain silly. So now I have to be "silly" and put one on. His Uncle M sent him three really cute t-shirts years ago that we have sitting in a drawer (cuz I always refused to put them on him), so we're going to try one of those to see if it helps.

Damn. I cannot lose the Sparkster just yet. Not ready. I know it's coming, but I'm not ready. Not this year.

Please.

Two months and seven days....

2010-09-10T16:24:00.000-07:00

Was just outside; it's been on the overcast side all day and the sun just broke through. I was standing there, having a ciggie, with my face in the sun and my eyes closed.

Which made me think of Mum.

Which made me tear.

Damn, will I ever get over missing her?

It's too damn hot...

2010-08-16T12:41:00.000-07:00

I'd love to sup with my baby tonight, but it's damn hot!

Old Ann Miller song from "Kiss Me, Kate" - an old musical.

I know I shouldn't complain, when most of the country is having record heat waves, but dang. Just not used to it anymore. Gets close to 80, and I am not comfortable. Yesterday, it was well over 90. Actually, it isn't too bad during the day; it's when the nights don't cool off. Like last night. Actually got up 5 minutes after going to bed to go take a cool shower. Poor Sparks was panting so hard last night; I took one of his washcloths, soaked it in cold water and ran it over his face/head, his back, his belly (had already given him another bath during the day - he liked that!). It helped - he stopped panting. Did it again when I woke up at 2:00 and heard him panting again.

It helps though, knowing that Wed, it'll be overcast with highs in the upper 60s and showers coming for the weekend. I knew there was a reason I loved living in the PNW LOL My kind of weather. It's supposed to be a couple degrees cooler today and better again tomorrow but it's still in the upper 80s. Dress accordingly and you freeze when you go into work or into stores, cuz they have the air blasting full force. So I carry a sweater. What an old lady I've become. Oh, well, hell.

Speaking of with, I must really look a lot older than I am. Couple weeks ago, Special K and I went to the movies. Had a $20 out (it was $10 per adult) and got $5 change. Didn't occur to me til I stepped away and was stuffing that into my wallet, when it hit me - I wasn't supposed to get change. I go back to the window; they charged us senior prices. And over the weekend, taking the ferry back from Pop's. Woman said (to me, the driver), "and you're over 65, right?" Dang shangalang - no, ma'am! Only 51 here!

LOL What a dunderhead! I shoulda said "YUP - gimme that senior's price!"

Later, T&J!

2010-07-15T13:23:00.000-07:00

Not saying "good-bye" - uh, huh. No way. Another set of good friends are leaving the state as I type this. Signed the paperwork yesterday, enjoyed one last concert here and taking off now to their destination.

Gonna miss those two - such sweethearts - both of 'em. Fun, too - lots of fun. Always enjoy spending time with them.

And I know this gives us another place to go visit and it's drivable, which is great. But, dang.

That's it - no more. We're running out of local friends.

Poopooheadcharlie.

A glorious day!

2010-07-15T13:04:00.000-07:00

Today is the kind of day for why we live in the PNW - it is absolutely gorgeous outside. Warmish in the sun, but cool in the shade; low 70's. Lovin' it.

My mother passed away nearly two weeks ago and today is the first day I had a "conversation," if you will, with her. Went out on break, sat on one of the picnic benches and closed my eyes with my face in the sun. That made me think of Mum - out of the thousands of pictures that we have of her, if we're outside and it's sunny, Mum is sitting there with her eyes closed, facing the sun. So while I was thinking of her, I started "talking" to her; was she at peace now? Was it anything like she thought it would be - did she find her numerous brothers and sisters and parents? What's it like - can she feel anything now - any conscious thought as we know it? I know it seems silly; she's gone. But yet she's not. She's in my heart and soul and always will be. I have her wedding rings on and today, a crocheted sleeved vest that she made. Somehow, it makes me feel a little closer.

Last Saturday, Special K and I emptied all of her clothes drawers and one of her closets. We told Pop and Big Bro Dude to go to the movies, but Pop wasn't interested. So I thought he'd stay downstairs so he wouldn't have to watch us, but he sat at his computer on one end of their bedroom. He was even able to joke with us when comments were made (I don't think Mum had enough clothes or sweaters! My god - the sweaters! She so loved her sweaters). It was all good. And so much! We had left the Sparkster at home, and we had the trunk and the back seat totally jammed with bags. And we left several bags in their garage, cuz it all wouldn't fit. And then we took it all home and put all the bags in our guest bedroom. I looked at it all week, telling myself to get busy and start sorting (some I'd like to keep; the rest is going to either the Goodwill or St. Vincent du Paul thrift stores - she loved shopping there, so I think this would be her final nice gesture to both orgs.) But I couldn't make myself do it, until last night. Special K gently reminded me that we'll be bringing more bags home this weekend, so it would be good to make some room. So I did. At first, I was teary but once I started, it was OK. Lots of memories when she wore certain items; observations as to her style and what she liked. Before I knew it, hours had flown by and it was 11:00 at night. Time to stop, even though I wasn't yet finished. But at least I made a good dent.

Yeah, sitting in the sun today, talking to Mum - glorious, indeed!

Tina Sweerman

2010-07-07T13:10:00.000-07:00

RIP

09/22/1935 - 07/03/2010

Out of "One"derland

2010-06-16T12:07:00.000-07:00

At least I think I am. I've been afraid to step on that scale. Not really in denial; I can tell by how my clothes are fitting. Another couple pounds and I won't be able to wear my last fitting pair of black jeans.

And I don't know if it is the weight, or all the emotions I'm experiencing lately (between my mother, my workaholic honey, my aging Westie, ever-present money worries and now - AND NOW, another set of good friends leaving the state (yes, Miss T - I'm talking about YOU), but I'm tired. Just tired. Every afternoon I feel like I need a nap. I haven't had that feeling since I've dropped all this weight - that feeling is a fat girl feeling. And I don't like it.

I am eating constantly, it seems. And I see the portions are getting bigger. Just a month ago, I couldn't finish half a Panera sandwich; I had to take one of the slices of bread off and still could only eat maybe two-thirds of it.

I just now finished a whole half. Without realizing that I forgot to take the top slice off.

I start off each and every single day with new resolve. It doesn't last much past mid-morning.

I really didn't think I'd become a statistic. Looks like I'm heading that way. I wonder if the good surgeon would consider redoing something in there. Although, I would just end up right back where I am now. I gotta fix whatever it is in my head that's causing me to selfdestruct myself.

Oh, bother.

Union Pulse

2010-06-01T11:39:00.000-07:00

We had visitors Sunday night. Strangers. Now friends. From Milwaukee :)

Special K and I went to Milwaukee (K's hometown) last week for her nephew/godson's wedding. Friday, we go into Walgreens and the young man that helped us, overhearing that we're from Seattle, said he and his band would be playing in Seattle over the Memorial Day weekend; did we know any inexpensive places to stay? K and I looked at each other (don't you love how when you've been with someone for a while, you know what each other is thinking?), and told him we have a guest bedroom that they're more than welcome to bunk down in. He was very jazzed - we exchanged contact info and went our merry way.

Next day; day of the wedding - K and I decide to get our hair done and we go to Cloud 9 on Oakdale (highly recommended by K's sister and we agree!). Pat, our hairdresser, upon hearing where we're from, said "we have a local entertainer that's going to be in Seattle next weekend - you have to go see them." I asked if his name was James, and she was like, WOW - how did you know? Kismet, I think. She told us what nice boys they were and how she's seen them several times (she's a fledgling photographer and has shot their show several times when they play locally). Nice to get validation that they weren't serial killers :)

Being bad with pictures - got a bunch. Need to get them up. Been pretty much on the run, but no excuse, cuz I've had time.

Soon.

Mother's Day one more time :)

2010-05-12T07:26:00.001-07:00

We enjoyed Mother's Day with my mom. What made it even more special is that we didn't think she would come this far. When everything came to a head last November, we were told we'd be lucky if she were still with us in three months.

Consider us lucky!

And are we ever grateful! Yeah, she has her up days and her down days. She seems to need those blood transfusions more and more often. I could see from one weekend to the next how her strength gets zapped. But the good news is that she's more mobile - she's up and about, doing stuff. Big Bro Dude was telling me how she had berated her men for ruining her kitchen. Nothing was where it was supposed to be. Ornery as ever! But that's my Mum.

I know everyone pretty much thinks the same of their own mother (at least, I think they should), but here's to the very best mother ever. Tina.

Yeah, grateful for every day.

Blood from a stone

2010-04-19T15:30:00.000-07:00

I'm not politically minded - I read the news and try to stay on top of stuff, but politics bores me (Special K loves it, but then she's a whole smarter than I am :) ). For those of you not in the state of WA, they've increased the cigarette tax. Again. We just did this last year. So I wrote a letter to our estemed governor:

My domestic partner and I both want to share with you our extreme displeasure with the latest cigarette tax increase. We have been very supportive of you and what you're trying to accomplish, but we cannot stay quiet on this. You've raised the cig tax. Again. We just did this last year. Again. How far can you punish an already unpopular part of the population? How high can you go? Another $10 per carton? Let's see; two cartons a week (one for each of us) = $20 x 4 = $80. A month. That's insane. X 12 is $960. A year. Almost one thousand dollars. For just a "little" tax increase.

Should we be smoking? That's our choice. Health-wise; no, we shouldn't. But that's not the issue here. We don't want to debate whether or not one should smoke. But if we chose to, we shouldn't have to pay so very much over and above what it costs to make the product.

There's only so much blood you can get from a stone. So OK; fine. I'll just drive once a month down to Oregon to buy my cigarettes for the month. Oh, wait - that's illegal, isn't it? Which I find very silly. Thought we lived in America - the land of free. I should be able to buy what I want, where I want. Government shouldn't be able to tell me I cannot shop in the state next door just because they then don't get the tax.

Well, get a clue! Could it possibly be that the tax is too freaking high?

We are both middle-aged, sedate, mature women, not prone to drama. We work, we come home, we enjoy our canine companion - very quiet life, with very few vices. That you can just wreak havoc and charge us more of what we don't have that much of to begin with is very painful and disruptive.

We love America. And we love the state of Washington. But you are making it very difficult to keep us interested in staying in Washington. One of the highest taxed states - you've got to start looking in better places for your budget dollars. And don't respond that you have. We're sorry. You have not. Not by a long shot. Too much wastage; too much being taken from necessary areas and not enough focus on areas that need cutting and haven't been touched.

Sincerely,

For the record, the "you" in this note refers to government - not you, personally, Governor.

Thank you for the opportunity to vent. Not that this will do one iota of good, but we had to let you know how very unhappy you've made us and how disruptive this is to our lives. And we are but just a couple. Imagine all the other lives to which you've done the same.

Whew!

2010-04-14T12:06:00.000-07:00

Stepped on the scale this morning - first time in quite a while. I've been afraid. Afraid that I've topped 200 again.

I am still 195. What a relief. I know, I know - it's only 5 pounds away, but it matters. Not sure why it makes a difference, but it does. And I've been 195 for a while now - have I settled down? Don't know. I have good days, but more often not-so-good days, eating wise.

Vacation was wonderful - will have pics up as soon as I can remember to take my memory stick home to put the pictures on. So nice to get away. We went through all sorts of weather (from sunshine to a blizzard). It was terrific to see R&W and their new digs. Still can't figure out the Patterson part, but they're happy, and that's what's most important.

While I didn't deny myself while on vacation, I found I was not eating that much only cuz we were so busy. I was fearful that I was going to gain a lot over the week just because my time was my own, and I've always been a nibbler on long drives.

Special K's nephew is getting married in May - I would really love to drop at least 10 lbs by then so that some of my summer stuff fits (it all does; just really skin tight). Plus I need to buy a new outfit for the wedding and I would hate to have to buy bigger than L or XL.

So, back to salads for lunch and no sweet snacks (cookies, cakes, candies, cookies - that sort of thing.) Did I say cookies? Was never such a cookie hound as I am now, especially those I make myself. I revised my almond shortbread thumbprint recipe and they are now killer, if I do say so myself :)

I can do this. Where's that chalkboard? I can do this.

I am so ready....

2010-04-02T12:39:00.000-07:00

We leave tomorrow morning, early, on a road trip down the coast to mid-California to visit friends that deserted us , er, moved there last year. We saw them last at Thanksgiving, so it's been a while. Very excited. A little over 800 miles; could do it one day, but why kill ourselves. We'll stop half way Saturday night, have a nice, relaxing evening, and then head out again Sunday early. We should get there mid-afternoon Sunday.

It's been a very long time since Special K and I took an actual vacation. We did a little long-weekend thing last year, when we did the Cascade Loop in July - was great fun, but too short. So, this will be very nice. And we're bringing the Sparkster with us - he does love his car rides and he loves to be with his people.

At first, I was bummed, because after much talking about our coming, our friends decided they'd rather not have Sparks in the house (we were going to stay with them) because they have new carpets. Don't blame them, plus knowing their carpets are new, I'm glad it worked out the way it did; we found a nice hotel not a mile from their house that takes dogs and has smoking rooms, so we'll be more comfortable, anyways :o)

Eating wise, it seems I'm able to eat more and more normally. Quanities are still less than it used to be, but not much bothers the pouch any more.

Bummer.

Uh, oh...

2010-03-23T12:01:00.000-07:00

In speaking with my brother-in-law this weekend, I found out that my sister-in-law (who had had weight loss surgery years ago) has regained about 100 pounds. I feel so badly for her - I see exactly how easy it would be to do that. When I first started this journey and I would either hear or read stories about folks that have done that, I just couldn't imagine how that was possible, seeing as to how little I could eat at the time.

But that dreaded pouch stretches, damn it. Just like a regular stomach, it stretches. So if you constantly overfill it, it will do just that. I take back every mean thing I ever thought about Carnie Wilson and her struggles with her weight loss/regain/loss and regain again.

The thing that surprises me is that after almost a year of feeling yuck and not wanting to eat, to come full circle almost to the same intensity of hunger that I had pre-surgery - I don't see how it is possible. I thought if you do something steady for 3 - 4 weeks, it becomes habit. Uh, uh. Ain't so. Every morning, I start off with a determination not to eat anything; just fast for a few days and then go on fruits/salads/soups. I never get past mid-morning and my innards are growling at me "FEED ME, SEYMOUR!" And I'll be good - I'll go have oatmeal or an apple, but then comes lunch, and all of a sudden, my good intentions are out the window and instead of that salad I so lovingly made that morning, I'll go have a sandwich or a burger. And even though I cannot eat the entire sandwich or burger, it's a lot more calories than I need to be having.

Not sure where to go from here. Obviously, I'm not good at listening to myself.

Life goes on...

2010-03-16T12:37:00.000-07:00

I suppose it wasn't meant to be. What I was hoping for did not pan out. C'est la vie.

Keep fingers crossed for me!

2010-03-08T10:20:00.000-08:00

Can't share too much, but I am so excited. I have an appointment tomorrow that can be life-changing. Keep your fingers crossed for me! Will share more depending on the outcome :o)

My most favorite picture

2010-02-18T09:29:00.001-08:00

I love this picture. I want a big one, framed, for my living room wall. It's a dahlia that my good friend, Jeff Sinnock, shot close range, but it reminds me of the Sydney Opera House. He's got lots of good stuff and really good deals. Got a birthday or a house-warming coming up? Check out his site: www.sinnockphotography.com

Need to whine...

2010-02-17T12:40:00.000-08:00

Actually, don't need to; just want to, and it's my blog, so there.

I've written this before, but it's something that's bugging me (obviously, not enough; otherwise, I'd do something about it other than whine) - when I total up what I eat in a day, I don't understand this steadily regaining the weight back. I was down to 170. 170! I was a teenager last time I was 170. And now I'm 195. There. I made it public.

Will this embarass me enough to QUIT STUFFING MY FUCKING MOUTH!?!?!?

Congrats, Saints!

2010-02-09T12:51:00.000-08:00

Went to a Super Bowl party Sunday, at Mr. T's house; lots of fun - good company, good food, good libations :) And while I'm not a big football fanatic (Special K is - only reason I know anything about the game), I was very pleased that the Saints won. This will be a good boost for New Orleans and even after all this time after Katrina, they need all the help they can get.

This past weekend was wonderful - it was my happy birthday yesterday! So of course, that made it my happy birthday weekend. K and I actually went out Saturday night - been a long time since we've been able to do that, but since I quite the night club, my weekends are my own again. And the folks were very adamant that we not come this weekend - to take it easy and to make it ours. Which we did.

Why weren't we born rich instead of beautiful?

Liquid Calories

2010-02-02T12:33:00.000-08:00

I miss the honeymoon period. I have to be so conscious of what I eat now - and drink. I'm actually starting to figure out it's more what I'm drinking than what I'm eating. While I am eating more than right after surgery, I think it's normal or even below normal, as I still can't eat as much as before. Also depends on what I'm eating - somethings I can seemingly go on and on, while others, after a few bites, I'm done.

I know everything that goes into my mouth counts. Including liquid, even though I've never really thought of it as such. And even though I no longer drink sodas (once in a blue moon, I'll have a little 7-Up - that's it), I still do sugar & non-dairy creamer in my coffee and my wine in the evenings - once in a while, coffee and brandy in the evenings. Once I got past young adulthood (was quite the lush in my younger days), I was never much of a drinker - social more than anything. I'd have a Myers Rum and coke or a coffee drink. Rarely drank at home. But now, it's become a nightly thing. Once dinner is done or if I'm in the kitchen on some baking project or if dinner preparation itself is a lengthy project, I'll have a glass of wine then. And it's not like I'm getting blasted every night - it's usually just a glass or two, and I'm not quite the cheap drunk I was right after surgery, so I can handle the alcohol better.

I've bought Muscle Milk Light. I've made a resolve to drink more water, and while I'm doing better with that at work, once I'm home, I just don't think of it, or if I do, I'm not interested. Never did get good at drinking water, even though I know it's very important for weight loss and weight management.

But wine tastes so much better.

For Miss T

2010-01-25T15:29:00.000-08:00

Miss T said "I love your Sparky, but ya gotta get a new post up!" My one and only reader - so demanding :o)

Miss T and her other half were the hostess with the mostest on Saturday; they held a fiesta at their home. Good lord, you should have seen that spread - the food was so good. They had london broil, shredded, for their taco meat. Never had london broil that way - worth every papaya pill I had to take afterwards.

Wearing my jeans today, and man, do they hurt. Too tight. I was all full of "ok, that's it - gonna start today and do it right." So what do I have for lunch? A bacon cheeseburger with onion rings. Yeah, that's allowed - no problem. What a dunderhead. And because, hey, I've already blown it for the day, I just had to have a sweet a little bit ago.

I do not understand my head. I love being thin. I love my new wardrobe. I love being able to walk forever and all the energy that comes with not having to haul so much fat around.

And I know all the rules. Limit sugar and fats; stay away from white food (breads, rice) and fried foods, eat a lot of veggies and fruit. Yadayadayada.

So why is it being so hard to stay on track. I had thought that the period after my surgery was the hardest thing I ever did, but I have to retract that. Keeping the weight off is my challenge du jour.

Just once, I'd like something major go the way I thought it would. Just once.

Master Sparky

2009-12-31T08:12:00.000-08:00

There's a blog that I've followed for years (dooce - the authoress is hilarious. You'll find a link to her site over there on the right under "Favorites." She didn't start out as a mommy-blog, and even though she's got two gorgeous little girls now, I still don't consider her a mommy-blog. It ain't all about diapers and how to get your kid to play nice, etc. She writes about her life and her outlook, and she's just too damn funny), and back in October, she posted a picture that a reader had done of her two dogs. I knew I just had to have one done of Sparks, and this is what the young lady came up (thank you, Julie Watson!) She did a super job. I think she caught him perfectly (scroll down to the Thanksgiving post below to see a recent pic of him). This was that special Xmas present for my Special K this year. Very jazzed it turned out so well.

Merry Christmas

2009-12-21T12:39:00.001-08:00

I just wanted to say Merry Christmas to my one or two faithful visitors. Hope your holiday week is special and that you're with the ones that you love.

Been visiting the folks every free day we can. Spent the afternoon/evening there yesterday; we brought dinner to cook for them (to give the boys a break). Steak for Pop, Wim and Kathy, and Mum and I had bbq chicken-less chicken :o) (made from tofu, but so good - I ate a lot of this right after my surgery). I was afraid she wouldn't even want to try it, but she did and she liked it! She's been eating much better since she's home from the hospital, but it's clear that she's not well. While we were there yesterday, she spent most of the time in bed. She had fallen a few days before and wrenched her back, so now bed is the only place it doesn't hurt. She asked the fellas to take her to the ER today so that they could get it x-rayed to see what's going on.

Not ready at all for Xmas. I've not mailed a single box yet, and it doesn't look like I'm going to in time for Xmas. Oh, well. I do what I can. I'm exhausted, and there's still so much to do.

I'm not a praying woman, but I'm going to ask that if you are, to pray for Mum. Right now, she needs all the help she can get.

Sorry for not posting

2009-12-14T15:27:00.000-08:00

But life has been insane lately. My mother is terminally ill. She is not going to get better. I have not yet come to terms with this. She's too young. I'm too young. I'm not ready for this stage of my life. And then I feel even worse, because this is not about me. It's about her. A loving wife, mother, friend - I can't lose her this early.

And I can't stop crying.

Thanksgiving

2009-12-02T12:26:00.000-08:00

What a busy week last week was! But it all worked wonderfully, both Thursday and Saturday. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves on Thursday - the bird came out perfectly (that's my Special K with "Bella" - yes, we always name our turkeys). She was beautifully moist and flavorful - and so big! 24 pounds. Thanks again, Miss P! Her son works at QFC and got a free turkey. He had no use for it, so she asked him if we could have it - wonderful!

And everyone behaved - no-one fed Sparky any treats. He was pretty much bored with the whole thing, I think.

One of the fellas brought him a toy elephant, though - very sweet. Spark's been sleeping with that thing ever since. He loves new toys.

And Saturday was terrific, too - so good to see R&W. Had a wonderful dinner with them, and then instead of going out for breakfast the next morning, we decided to stay in and have breakfast at home. So much better - gave us more time to visit.
Wonderful 5-day holiday - all went way too quickly, though. But it always works out that way, huh?

Maintaining

2009-11-17T09:10:00.000-08:00

Nothing new - just wanted to say hey. Still obsessed with my weight, which goes up and down, but I know this will be a for-life thing.

Thanksgiving is coming - excited about that. We're going to have a housefull and then two days later on Saturday, R&W is coming to stay the night (our friends who moved to mid-California back in May - they're coming up to spend Turkey day with his family). We're going to celebrate both Thanksgiving and Christmas to take advantage of them being here.

Thursday will be family and friends - the folks, the big bro dude, T&J (w/o Mr. Big - he's not doing so well, poor baby - bitch to get old and have parts not work right), Miss P, Mr. T. and R.G. That will make 10 of us. Have to remember to tell everyone that no-one is allowed to feed Sparky anything. Don't want a repeat of our Xmas/New Year celebration at the beginning of this year. So many folks fed him tidbits here and there that come evening, he was puking his guts out. I was amazed to see what came out of him. I guess they didn't realize that they were ALL giving him treats. He's going to hate it, cuz he does love to eat, but I don't want him sick again.

If I don't post before then, Happy Thanksgiving!

Euphoria!

2009-11-05T12:30:00.001-08:00

I was sitting on the picnic bench outside the bldg's front door today, taking my break, reading my book and drinking coffee. Weather today predicts lots of rain and wind, but right then, it felt almost balmy.

All of a sudden, the wind picked up and all the fallen leaf lions were swirling and dancing in circles. What a sight! And at that very moment, I felt euphoric, for lack of a better word - very happy; glad to be alive. Not sure why; sure, it was a pretty sight to see all the different colored leaves swirling all over, but I almost felt like this was a profound moment for some reason.

And as quick as it came, then it quieted down. I felt almost bereft. For just a few seconds there, nothing mattered; my weight, K being sick, Mum not doing well, bills that are due, workplace insecure - all that disappeared for a brief moment.

If I could bottle that feeling, I'd be a rich woman.

Up and down

2009-10-28T13:12:00.000-07:00

It's enough to drive me crazy (ier!) - I so miss the honeymoon period, where I was dropping weight like there was no tomorrow. And what's so puzzling is when I look at what I eat daily, it shouldn't be enough to be putting all this weight back. But there it is. I would have thought that I'd level off, at least, and just stay at one weight.

Been better the past few days and dropped a couple pounds since the weekend. I did weigh in at 185 Sunday morning and this morning, it said 182. I do alright mornings into early afternoon, but mid-afternoon, I start getting peckish and look for unhealthy treats. I'll even bring in my protein bars or an apple, but that's not what my brain wants. So I go have a few jellybeans or candy corn, and once I do that, I think to myself that the day is lost anyway, go have whatever. Nights are even worse - I'll have dinner, but afterwards, while I'm watching TV and playing on the computer, I have my glass of wine and then I want to snack - chips, crackers and cheese, cookies - whatever's there.

My size 12s still fit, but they're getting snug. I don't have any other sizes and I refuse! to go buy anything bigger. I almost wish a doctor would sew my lips shut and just allow a hole for a straw. Almost tempted to go look up a hypnotist; trick my brain into thinking that eating is just to sustain the body - NOT FOR ENJOYMENT!

Dang. I know all the right things to do. It's like an obsession, but my will power is nil. Maybe I should go see a shrink.

The perfect Xmas gift!

2009-10-23T08:40:00.000-07:00

Aren't these gorgeous?

Got a friend, Jeff - occupation; kick-ass photographer.

He's got such a good eye for color and composition (almost sounds like I know what I'm talking about, huh?)

You can check out his other stuff here:

http://www.sinnockphotography.com

and here:

http://jeffreysinnock.redbubble.com

and here, too:

http://www.zazzle.com/jeffreysinnock

Christmas is coming - makes a perfect gift!

Some fixes

2009-10-02T16:28:00.000-07:00

I've figured out how to let folks comment without having to register first, plus I found a cool line that you'll see below each post. I've seen them on other sites and I think they're fun.

I've also started another blog. K's been telling me for a while to get this up, especially when I come home from the club with another story. If you're interested, the link is over to the right, under "My Faves."

Almost quitting time. Then home to walk the Sparkster - glad to see the sun shining (been raining all day and that pup don't care for the wet stuff). Than a nap. Before tonight. Cuz I'm old.

Sigh. Mega Faries, hear my inner wishes and let us win tonight. I'm ready to retire.

Still Big!

2009-09-28T12:00:00.000-07:00

Miss T asked me Sat if it was funny yet. Told her no; still too close :o)

Nothing exciting going on. Holding steady between 175 & 180. I'm just not strong enough to say "no" to the cookie when it calls. And as long as I don't go over 180, I don't really mind. I'm in a good place. It might not be goal, but it's good. Christmas is coming; I'll be doing a lot of baking, so I just have to watch it.

I find it interesting that in my head I am still big. My belly bothers me; my thighs looks huge, but the clothes I wear tell me something different - that I'm not as big as I think in my head. Sometimes when I really look in the mirror, I still amazed to see my chin/cheeks and collar bone. I'm amazed how some outfits I have make me look really slender. Because what I'm seeing doesn't fit the mental image, and I have to wonder when that becomes the norm. It's been a year and four months since surgery. I've been at my current weight pretty much since January (up & down). When will my head catch up with the bod?

One of the other ladies here at work that had had the surgery said she met a woman who had WLS 7 years ago. She had initially regained 40 pounds, but lost that and has maintained her goal weight all this time. I find that inspiring. One hears too many "she gained it all back" stories, and I just can't have that happen. At first, I was very cocky with "that will never happen to me," but that was way before my appetite came back and before it got easier to eat. Now I can totally see how easy it is to let yourself go and not monitor stuff and get right back up there.

I have noticed that sugar affects me more now. Since day one, I could do sugar and I did (in my coffee; every day). I would have chocolate/candy once in a blue moon. Eventually, I was able to eat cookies/cakes/pies. And I never experienced the "dumping syndrome." Well, I think it's catching up with me. If I eat/drink sugar now, my heart starts palpitating, I get all hot and flushed and I feel a bit jittery. I'm told that this is the dreaded "dumping," (I was never quite clear - I thought it meant throwing up). Apparently, sugar now has a lot shorter route to the heart, since a good portion of my intestines have been removed/rerouted, so it's like a hypo-needle straight to the heart, and the heart doesn't like that. So that's another incentive to lower the amount of sugar I eat, cuz when I go into dumping mode, I can't stand it - very uncomfortable and disconcerting.

Always something.

Still not funny...

2009-09-16T13:11:00.001-07:00

I'm hoping that when I think back on yesterday morning, that I'll eventually think it funny.

I told you I got the Acai berry stuff from Costco. 99% pure acai berry - pours almost like ketchup; thick and goopy. I've been taking the prescribed ounce daily since I bought it weekend before last. And it's not as foul as my brother-in-law intimated that it might be. I wouldn't call it yummy but totally doable.

Yesterday morning, I get back from walking Spark and we're ready to leave for work when I remember that I hadn't taken my ounce of Acai berry juice yet. So I go to the kitchen, grab the bottle off the fridge, shake it like it sez on the bottle and tried to open it. It wouldn't so I grabbed a tea towel and worked the cap. Before I knew what was happening, that shit exploded ALL OVER THE FLIPPING KITCHEN and ALL OVER ME!!! What a freakin' mess. Dark purple junk EVERYWHERE and I am not exaggerating here. K came running in after hearing the very loud "pop" and couldn't believe the state of the kitchen.

Took us 40 minutes to wipe that shit off the walls, the fridge, the cabinets, the dishwasher, the counter, the floor, etc. etc. etc. I was tempted to leave it until we got back home from work, but we were afraid it would stain, and we were right. On one wall that I did last, you can still see very faint splatter marks, so I'm glad we were able to clean it up so quickly.

Of course, that made us very late for work. Not happy about that at all. I felt like such a cartoon when I looked in the mirror. All over my new black slacks and my nearly-new black and white sweater. They're still soaking in the washing machine - didn't get a chance to run a load last night. I sure hope it comes out. Will be majorly bummed if they're ruined.

Co-worker told me it sounds like a processing problem and fermentation; that gas just built up so much due to the incorrect processing. Which kind of sounds weird to me, as I've been using it every day with no problems. Wonder why it would do that from one day to the next.

So, still too fresh to be funny. Did go to Costco today, though, and exchanged the bottle for a new one. I just hope it doesn't do it again.

It's working!

2009-09-14T12:14:00.000-07:00

Back on track, for the most part. I've lost 5 pounds this past week that I had regained and that feels good. Still have the occasional something that I shouldn't, but I have the cookie/candy thing under much better control. Really lost it there for a while and had to redo my line of thinking.

And while I have my day-time snacking under much better control, I'm still fighting the night-time hungries. Dinners I do fine; it's while I'm finally at my computer with the TV on, with my glass of wine, and I'm relaxing. I'm trying to substitute stuff (pretzels instead of chips; little dill pickles instead of candies; that sort of thing), and for the most part, that's going OK.

But all of this has reinforced how much better I feel at this weight as opposed to what I once was. It feels good to have my jeans not straining at the button. I'm amazed what 5 pounds can feel like.

Just got to keep it up. I've realized this before, but this weight thing? It's going to have to be a conscious thing for the rest of my life.

Back on track...

2009-09-08T13:45:00.000-07:00

I hope. I bought this Acai berry stuff from Costco (my brother-in-law recommended), plus I had Mega-T Green Tea with Hoodia tablets, and between the two, so far, so good. I don't feel all snacky today. Had my yogurt with my twigs and nuts this morning; having herring now and have an apple for my afternoon snack. Drank nearly a bottle of water so far. Probably TMI, but I've started a colon-cleanser regimen last night (also on my brother-in-law's recommendation). Didn't expect that to kick in so fast, but it has. Feeling less bloated, too, which is nice.

Just got back from the market. Had to go order a cake for a co-worker's anniversary for tomorrow. While there, I saw banana cake by the slice. Had one in my hand, thinking with coffee tonight for Special K and me, but then I put it back, cuz I knew it was more for me than K. She could care less about sweets (her thing is carbs and meats), so no biggie for her. At least until I am at my goal of 155, no more cakes. No more cookies. No more candies. No more chips. Not sure how long this mindset will last, but I like buying size L tops and size 12 pants - still dreaming about that size 10.

Just to have to tell myself that only I can make this happen. I will not be a statistic.

Same ole, same ole....

2009-09-02T11:52:00.001-07:00

Nothing much going on that warrants a post. Having a very hard time maintaining my weight and it's all very frightening and confusing for me. I just don't understand how this is possible. After so many months of barely eating anything to go to gorging myself at times (it feels like gorging; I still get full very quickly, but I'm pushing the limits constantly) to the point of being uncomfortable - just doesn't make sense that my head is allowing my stomach to rule the roost. I just cannot gain it all back.

I just can't.

Honeymoon's over...

2009-08-12T12:40:00.000-07:00

They call the first 9-12 months after weight loss surgery the honeymoon period, meaning you're going to lose weight and rapidly. I can see why - one's capacity for edible intake is severely limited, plus there's this overwhelming sense of just not wanting to eat. I can recall having to force myself many times, just because I knew I had to.

Sigh. The Honeymoon is (well, has been) officially over. And I believe my pouch has stretched out farther than I would have liked it to. I have gained weight back - I'm not saying how much only because it's so depressing and I cannot let it get to me.

All these things I thought I learned and trained myself on - out the window with the return of my appetite. Once I start eating, it's so hard to tell myself to stop. And because my pouch is still much smaller than my old stomach used to be, I can hurt myself if I go too far. It goes beyond feeling full - it can get painful, except it takes your mind, what, 10-15 minutes? to tell your stomach that it's full, so if you're not paying attention to what you're putting in your mouth, you can overfill it, and boom - ouch.

If I wanted chocolate, a mini-size was more than enough to satisfy my craving. Now I want the whole bar, so I have to cut that out all together until I get my head to a place where it understands moderation. Cookies - one was just fine. Now I want three or four. Just eating all kinds of crap that I shouldn't be and I know it while I'm eating it. So I don't understand how it is that this "want to eat" is so strong, after more than a year of hardly eating anything. One would think that the body is used to much less, so it doesn't need that much. So why the overwhelming hunger pangs?

I just refuse to allow myself to get back up there. My size 12 jeans still fit, but they're snug, whereas, for a little while there, they were just a bit loose (I wasthisclose to that size 10!) I know this comes off as vanity when I say my clothes aren't hanging as nice; therefore, I'm not feeling as pretty as I did, but it's not that. I am just SO AFRAID that I'm going to let myself slooooowwwwlllly gain it all back. And that's just not an option. I did not go through all of this just for a few months of being thin. I like being thin. I want to stay thin. I like writing that - I am thin and want to stay thin. I read back over some previous posts and I see "I like seeing what I see in the mirror more than what that "whatever" would have tasted" in several places.

Gotta get it back on the ball. Gotta up the water intake and cut out the crap. I was just too close to my goal to lose it now.

I'm not a praying woman, but dang - pray for me, 'k?

Lucky 13!

2009-07-31T08:45:00.000-07:00

Happy Anniversary to MSL - it's 13 years today!

K, I love you so very much. Thank you for giving me your heart and keeping such good care of mine.

I'd love to sup with my baby tonight...

2009-07-29T13:13:00.000-07:00

...but it's too darn hot!

Every time it gets very hot, this old song from Kiss Me, Kate (sung by the late, great Ann Miller) comes to mind.

It's not allowed to get over 90 degrees in the Seattle area - it just isn't. But apparently, someone didn't get that memo, cuz, baby, we are in the midst of a doozey of a heat wave. And I don't like it - no, sir; not one bit. Supposed to get over 100 today. If the weather folks are right, each day after today, it will start cooling off by a couple degrees per day, so that by the weekend, beginning of next week, we looking at mid-80s, which, while still hot, is way better than today.

Although, I have noted that while I still don't care for "hot," it does not bother me as it used to, pre-surgery. I'm able to tolerate it better now. So that's a plus, although I worry about Special K and I worry about Spark. They're not handling the heat well at all. K isn't able to sleep and feels totally drained. And even though we got Spark his summer cut last Saturday, he's still panting away. (I've got to get a pic of him up for you all - he looks so funny without his Westie skirt and fluffy butt.)

Last night, I ran a cool bath and sat in it for about an hour, reading my book, enjoying a glass of wine. Once I got out, I thought Sparky might enjoy getting wet (it was 10:00 at night and still well over 80 in the house - that's the bad part; when the evenings don't cool down enough to get comfortable), so I stuck him in the tub and got him all wet. He just stood there, tail wagging a little occasionally. He'd look up at me once in a while, as if to say "wow - thanks - feels good!" And once I took him out and dried him off, he did a happy dance/run through the house. He very obviously felt much better. And he felt better to the touch; it was apparent that the bath had brought down his body temperature.

I'm thinking we'll need to do that again tonight.

Twisp!

2009-07-07T21:58:00.000-07:00

We had a wonderful weekend getaway - we did the Cascade Loop and stayed in a cute little town called Twisp.
This is on top of a mountain at Sun Mtn Lodge - a very pricey hotel. Very pretty but we loved our cabin. No view like this, but we had everything we needed in a cute little space and best thing, they allowed dogs, so we could take the Sparkster with us.

The cabin was just like a teeny house - had a living room, fully-loaded kitchen, bedroom and a bathroom. Best of all - a fantastic-working air conditioner, cuz man, we needed that! It was 97 degrees on Saturday. Wasn't too oppressive - it was a dry heat, but it was good to have air. Sparky liked it, too. The only thing we forgot to take with us was one of his toys, so he got a new souvenir from Twisp - a Rocky Raccoon plush toy - which he loves. It's the new best thing for him.
This is a neat tree over Lake Diablo, which we took on the way home through the Cascades. There's still snow up in the mountains - pretty amazing. Such a beautiful state we live in - do love it here in the Pacific North West!

Remember Mr. Big:?

2009-06-30T21:06:00.000-07:00

Finally found the pics I've been looking for! Here's our Mr. Big (ok, ok, T&J's Mr. Big... semantics):

Handsome ole' dude, huh? He loved the parks as much as Spark does. Did I mention how big he is?

Just look at those legs! Just his legs are way taller than Spark - lol. He sure is a sweetie, though. And we've got to give Spark his air time, too:

It really was a lot of fun having Hersh visit us. When we did take them to the park, Special K would be way back where ever, because Spark walks soooo sllloooowww, whereas Hershey, with his long ole legs, would be way ahead. Then he would stop and we would have to go back to see where K & Spark was - it was really very cute how he always had to check on them. He was truly our protector that week. Very sweet.

I think it's time to go visit Hersh. And T&J, of course...

Eating out

2009-06-29T15:57:00.000-07:00

I was just reading a co-workers blog (you'll find her link on the side over there, Lissa's Journey - go check it out; she's got some pretty insightful posts up) and her latest is about socializing and eating - how it's all intertwined, and she's right. And she's got some great alternatives up there (things to do in lieu of eating out), but there are times you've just got to (Father's Day, for example. My folks wanna eat - no walking around the lake for them; hell - my dad drives to the mailbox - it's like a short block away from their house; totally walkable - he cracks me up).

When I first contemplated having this surgery, I imagined that I'd never, ever enjoy eating out again, but I've found that there's always something on pretty much all menus that will not only satisfy my hunger, but that I will enjoy, as well. And I really thought that would never happen.

Last week, I had lunch with a co-worker; we went to a local bbq joint. It just smells so heavenly in there. My original plan was to just have the chili, but after the aroma, I knew I just had to have something meaty. But all the dishes were so huge! I told the waitress about my WLS and asked if I could order off the Buckaroo (kiddie) menu and she said sure, so I ordered the bbq baby-back ribs.

I thought I had died and gone to food heaven. I was able to eat a whole rib, and man, did that taste wonderful. Very flavorful. Didn't even need any Papaya pills. And surprisingly, the order was still huge - four ribs but very meaty, along with a coleslaw side. My friend was surpried, too - she said my meal would've been enough for her. And the best part - it was only $6 (and I took the remaining 3 ribs and brought them to Special K, who loved them, too).

Serving portions have gotten pretty ridiculous at most eateries (don't even get me started on Claim Jumpers, which I haven't been to in over a year and don't plan to anytime soon - their portions are monsterous!) Folks just have to realize it doesn't take all that much food to fill one up. But that's a whole 'nother subject.

Good to be able to eat pork again - I have missed it so!

"cation time

2009-06-29T13:36:00.000-07:00

Well, our two-week road trip to Milwaukee got whittled down to a 4-day weekend to Twisp, WA (we're doing the Cascade Loop over State Hwy 20 - supposed to be very pretty). We found a lovely motel with cottages that take dogs (Yes, the Sparkster is coming - he does love to be with his people and he definitely loves his car rides) and - gasp - allows smoking in the room. Should be fun - looking very forward to it.

I had put in for a two-week vacation (over the 4th of July weekend, so 9 days) - it got denied. I'm in the hole with my PTO (those 10 days they made us take last December put me there; still digging out from under). So I tried 4 days - nope; denied. Only way to get any time off would be unpaid. We had already decided not to go to Milwaukee, as Special K's brother is still out of work and even though he's still throwing his annual party on the lake for the Big Bang (fireworks/4th celebration on Lake Michigan in Milwaukee), he can't afford to fly up (he lives in Arizona - pretty cool to throw this party annually for friends and family when half the time, he doesn't make it up himself). So since he can't go, we figured not to, either, since we won't get to see him. We then thought just to go to the Black Hills to see the fireworks at Mount Rushmore, and then swing by to see our friends who recently moved to Patterson, Ca. But we can't afford for me to take 4 days unpaid, so I'm taking just one and we're staying local.

Oh, well. Maybe next year. Then I'll have time built up again.

Not much happening on the "diet" front. Hanging steady at 169 (give or take a few pounds on any given day). Trying hard to up the water consumption; I think that alone would help, cuz I never did get very good at getting my 64 oz in daily. Just not thirsty most of the time, and I just don't think of it. I do drink a lot of coffee, but that's more so I won't eat :o) cuz I do seem to want to snack ALL THE TIME. Not sure what's up with that; I don't think I was this bad when I was heavy.

So, it's a short week. And the weather's been beautiful. I'm so grateful for our Washington weather; while other parts of the country are sweltering , we're comfortable.

This is one of the reasons why we put up with those nasty winters.

Two for one :o)

2009-06-18T07:07:00.000-07:00

I find, over the past several months, that my appetite has returned with a vengeance. I find it very difficult to not eat when I'm obviously not hungry. It is a constant struggle, one I'm sure I'll be dealing with for the rest of my life. I suppose this what "normal" women go through - constantly having to monitor what they put in their mouths and what the scale says. Pre-surgery, I rarely worried about what I was eating or drinking.

I had, over the past few months, put back 6 pounds. I was 175 for quite a while. Very disappointing - mostly in myself that I haven't learned better self control. And it isn't as if I'm gorging on "bad stuff." It's probably the habit I've picked up of having a glass of wine every night. Empty calories. And chips. And cookies. I seem to still not be able to do a lot of foods, oftentimes foods that are healthy, but I have absolutely no problem getting cookies or chips down.

There are a lot of things I refuse to let myself have, such as boxed cereals (the Captain Crunch types) or boxed pastries (HoHos, Ding Dongs, Cupcakes). I find myself at the grocery store with these items in my hand, reminiscing how wonderful they taste, but I'm always able to talk myself out of buying processed sugar. If I have a cookie, it's from either the bakery or my own. Don't know if that matters much, except perhaps in quantity. If I bought a box of cookies, I'd eat a lot more than just one or two. It's as if I'm going to expend the calories on something I really shouldn't be having, it's got to be good; no crap. And I truly feel that if I can keep this in moderation, it'll be OK, since this is a life-long thing. I can't really expect myself never, ever to have a cookie again. That's unrealistic and unlivable.

But some good news (at least, for me): I've dropped those 6 pounds over the past week, and it's basically just having been too busy (and the first part of this week, too ill) to eat much of anything. So I'm telling myself to try and keep it going in this direction, since I do want to drop this last 20 pounds and call it good.

Cuz that size 10 is still calling out to me...

Through the years...

2009-06-18T06:58:00.000-07:00

We were visiting my folks this past weekend, and my mother had cleaned out a dresser to make room for the big bro dude, who will be moving back in (out of work; lost his condo; same thing happening to 1000s of folks around the country). Poor bro dude - he was so proud of owning his own home. Poor folks - they shouldn't have to deal with a "kid" (he's 52) moving back in at this stage in their lives. Ah, well. It is what it is.

So, in cleaning out that dresser, she comes across a lot of items she thinks I might like, and she's right. She's always had lovely taste in clothing. One thing I noticed, though, is that sizes aren't what they used to be. She gave me several tops - all which fit, but all are mediums. I'm in larges now - mediums are generally still a bit tight, but these mediums fit like the larges do. Odd, huh? Just to clarify; these tops she's given me are from the 60s and the 70s. They're timeless; one wouldn't know they're that old, but it's obvious that over the years, the size table has changed towards smaller. That's probably because folks are more health conscious now.

I find this interesting. Wonder if anyone's done any research or studies on this. Another job for google.

She lives!

2009-06-05T12:47:00.001-07:00

Hello! Man, I've missed being able to post here. I upgraded my IE browser to the latest 8.0 version and it seems it makes a difference.

This was taken at a hot dog roast my boss threw for our bldg a few weeks ago. On the left is another one of our gastric bypassers - Jenny, and in the middle is our captain of our Heart Walk team this year, Sam (I've been captain for the past 5 years; thought I wanted a break, though now I'm finding I'm missing it - go figure :o)

Sam has lost about 140 pounds, on her own. She's been seeing a nutritionist and sees her doctor regularly, but no surgery for her. I'm certainly not putting down surgery. For some of us, it was what we needed to get where we are, but if I could have lost this massive amount of weight without having altered my body, you bet I would have preferred that.

So our Heart Walk team this year is called "The Biggest Losers and our supporters." My Special K came up with that - pretty cool, huh? It's going to be hard this year; everyone's feeling the recession's pinch, but like I've been posting on the site and in my donation request e-mails, heart disease doesn't go away just because there's a recession. So I have to try. Click the HW logo to link to my page, if you have a spare $25 (or more!) to donate to such a worthy cause:

And we had a visitor a few weeks back. Good friends of ours took a trip to the East coast for a week and left their BIG canine companion with us. Bumming because I can't find the pictures I took of him - thought I had them here. Anyways, his name is Hershey and he's BIG. He's a sweetie - almost thinks he's a lap dog. Loves his lovin', loves his walks, loves his treats - BIG lovable galoot! Did I mention that he's BIG? Since we have little Sparky, anything else decent sized seems large, but damn, Hersh is BIG. Special K came up with "Mr. Big" just as the week was ending. What was so funny is that he is just like Sparky in that where ever you are, he needs to be. Where ever you're walking, he needs to be right in step with you. Going potty even - hey, he'll keep you company. Too funny. Sparky always sleeps on K's side of the bed - that's where his bed is, so of course, that's where Mr. Big wanted to sleep, too. One night K rolled over me to get out of bed to go the bathroom. Didn't want to step on DOG - OK to squish her honey instead - lol!

Then after the week was up, T&J came to pick up their Mr. Big and went home. All of a sudden, the house seemed a little empty. That Mr. Big? Welcome back here any time.

My apologies...

2009-05-27T07:04:00.000-07:00

Not sure what's up - I usually post on my breaks at work, but for the past week or so, I haven't been able to get in and I keep forgetting once I get home. And of course, even though I finally remembered, I can't stay. Time to hit the shower and get it ready for work.

Stay tuned, though. Want to tell you about our house guest last week - Mr. Big.

A sunny afternoon...

2009-05-11T10:38:00.000-07:00

One thing I have to keep in mind is that I am now a cheap drunk; by that, I mean, it doesn't take much to make me tipsy. Friday, Miss T and Mr J came to have lunch with me. They were running behind, so I had a glass of Pinot while waiting. Mistake. Big mistake. Pre-surgery, it was nothing to have a drink at lunch time. I could go back to work and function just fine. I have to accept that I can no longer do this. I ended up having to go home (T&J were terrific - they got me home safely) as I was three sheets to the wind, and that was only on one and not even a half glass of wine. Tch, tch. tch. Bad girl.

When they got me home, I let Sparky out to meet Hershey (big, lovable guy - he's T&J's canine companion), and J whipped out his new camera and took this shot:

He's so good - he even added his artsy style and faded the photo's edges. I love it. And he was able to get the Sparkster looking straight ahead (quite the almost impossible feat with that little stubborn guy.)

Had a nice time Friday - always good to see good friends.

Only 10 pounds away from "normal" weight!

2009-05-06T08:31:00.000-07:00

I went to webmd.com and entered info to come up with:

As this shows, I'm only 10 pounds away from no longer being considered overweight!

Wow! Only 10 pounds. Amazing! Would be great if I could drop that by my one-year surgiversary on 5/25 :o)

Not even a full moon...

2009-05-03T02:19:00.001-07:00

The night started off so well - found a parking spot on the very first level (usually have to go all the way down to the 5th level). Had a young lady hand me a $5 almost right off; looked like it was going to be a nice night at the nightclub.

Famous last words. It was the night from hell. Had 6 pukers; did any one of them (or their friends) tip me? No. Left their messes and split. One said she was going to (a friend of the puker) - I saw her hand a $5 bill to her other friend. That friend did not give me that bill. Had one young lady break a beer bottle - did she leave me a tip? No. Just a mess to clean up. Had "ladies" (I use that term loosely) just taking stuff left & right; tampons, toothbrushes, lotion, etc, etc, etc. The majority of them did not tip me.

I worked my ass off tonight - was not even fun. Tips were piss-poor. I'm just so pissed right now; if it weren't 2:28 am, I'd call the young lady I work for and quit. I need my honey to talk me out of quitting. But she's asleep (as she should be). I 'know' there will be bad nights; this isn't the first. I'm not sure why I'm that upset tonight. Most nights, the majority of the ladies who avail themselves to my stuff (I have everything and anything one can think of that someone might need on a night out; lotion, body spray, hair spray/mousse, hair things, tampons/pads, sewing kit, band-aids, eye drops, aspirin, Tums, cough drops, toothbrushes, floss, mouth wash, mints/gum/chocolates, oil blotters, safety pins, even flip flops in case someone's shoes hurt so bad, etc.) don't tip. I don't think they know (or care) that this stuff comes out of my pocket (yeah, I get to write it off my taxes, but that's beside the point). But generally, enough ladies make up for the ones that don't tip. Not always - definitely not tonight. Damn. Lot of nasties tonight. Even had a couple of girls that asked if I would hold their coats (that's usually good for a five or a ten) - nothing. And I broke the cardinal rule tonight. I was so disgusted by this point, that after they left the restroom, I opened the door and called out to them. Told them, just for future reference; it's customary to tip someone when they do you a favor. They just looked at me with blank stares. Clueless.

Absolutely nothing to do with weight loss, but hey, it's my blog. No-one's up to hear me bitch. So there.

And as I drove up my street, almost home, I see the moon. Beautiful half-moon, surrounded by a haze. And I think to myself "damn, not even a full moon to explain away all the crazies tonight."

No Sparky kibble for you!

2009-04-30T10:31:00.000-07:00

Never knew eagles were so large. We were walking Sparky last night at Kelsey Creek Park, and we had heard an unfamiliar bird call earlier. While we were walking by the creek, an eagle came down and stood by the water - so close! That majestic bird was at least 3 feet tall. I swooped down and picked up the Sparkster real quick; wasn't sure if the eagle had spotted him or not, but I wasn't taking any chances. We hurried back to the car, but then we thought the eagle had flown off. Put Sparky back down so he could enjoy & finish off his walk, but then it showed up again, flying overhead. Too freaky - picked up the pup again and headed for the safety of the car. I've seen videos of eagles carrying off large goats, so I have no doubt if he was hunting and saw Spark, he'd nab him. So beautiful to see, but very disconcerning.

And two more pounds :o) Still working - lovin' that!

Size 12!

2009-04-27T11:50:00.000-07:00

Went shopping at Costco Saturday; found a pair of very light pink jeans - size 12 - and guess what? They fit like a glove. So very jazzed. I feel so pretty wearing these jeans. JC Pennys had a nice sale, so we went there; Special K got a couple pairs of new pants and I got a bunch of Springy stuff - short-sleeved hoodie, shorts, capris, light tops. Very fun, oh - and a couple pairs of sandals.

And wonderfully, my co-worker is coming right into the sizes of all those lovely clothes that Miss R gave me, so I bagged them up over the weekend and brought them in to her this morning. I'm so glad someone will get use out of those pieces. Only things I kept were the vest (since it fits so nicely) and the black and white blouse, which I know is way too big, but I can't bear to part with it yet. It is just so my cup of tea, and it's a clingy type material, so it doesn't look too over big.

I had a revelation Saturday; Kathy and I were walking through a little mall from Rite Aid to Seattle's Best, and we passed a dress store. Typically my eyes would gloss over and I'd pass the store, not really paying attention to what was in the window, since 99.99% of the time, the store wouldn't have my size. I started doing that Saturday, when it suddenly occurred to me; wait a minute - I can fit into all these styles now. It's OK to look! If I were to see something I really liked, I could go in and totally expect them to have my size!

Wow.

Still working...

2009-04-22T09:13:00.000-07:00

Wow - stepped on the scale this morning and another 2 pounds gone - 172. That makes a total of 161 gone. Still amazing.

A co-worker gave me a size 10 pair of black jeans. I thought, ok, cool - I'll fit into them one day, but Special K told me to try them on, and guess what? They fit (sort of...)! Now, I had to really suck it in to zip up, and it was a little hard to breathe, but I'm a lot closer to that 10 than I thought I was.

Of course, it's all just numbers. Just over the weekend, I tried on some 13s and 14s, and they didn't fit so well (although I think it was just a weird cut - if the waist fit, the legs were too tight; if the legs fit, the waist was all baggy). It all depends on the manufacturer. That's why while I'm mostly in large, some XLs fit nicely, too.

Miss R was cleaning out her closet (getting ready for their big move down to California next month :o( ) and gave me a huge bag of clothing for which she said she no longer had any use. Some really beautiful, quality items - nice suits, beautiful blouses. Only bummer (and she said this may be the case) is that most of it is too big. I'm wearing one of her blouses today; it's gorgeous but it is a little bit too big (16-18, per the tag). The only item that fit perfect was a little black vest - so pretty! I think I'll ask one of my co-workers here what size she's down to and see if she can get any use out of this stuff. Oh. A coat to die for - almost like a swing coat with a fur-lined hood. A beautiful evening coat. Could've really used that this past winter. I'd love to pass it on to someone that will get good wear from it.

161. Man. I know I overuse this word, but it's still just so amazing.

Mind set; nothing short of amazing!

2009-04-20T11:11:00.000-07:00

I'm telling you - having gone from hating to shop for clothing to loving is nothing short of amazing, still. I'm nearly 11 months out - down to 174 and hanging, and I'm still in constant amazement over my body. It's like it's someone else's. I don't know if I can explain this right or not, and perhaps if you've never been very heavy, you won't understand, but I have a hard time, sometimes, seeing myself in the mirror. You may find me vain - it really isn't that, though. I'm staring because oftentimes, I still cannot believe that it is, in fact, me staring back.

Going clothes shopping brings this home even further. I "know" I'm now a large, but I'm finding it hard to bring larges into the fitting room and finding them fitting just fine. I'll start with XLs only to have to go back to get a Large. When I fit a pair of pants on and I see myself in the mirror, it's incredible to see (for me, anyway) me staring back. If you'd told me a year ago that I'd be fitting quite nicely into Larges and a size 13-14 pant, I'd say you were nuts. I don't think I really expected to do this well with the tool I've been given.

I feel my head is in a healthy place. I've gotten over the wrinkles (that took some doing!) and I've gotten over the sagging skin (it's actually not as bad as I thought it was going to be), but I still find that my mind is set back to when I was big. When I fit into something I once thought impossible, whether it be a top or a chair, I'm thrilled all over again. When someone tells me how small I am now, I'm flabbergasted - just this morning, a co-worker was asking if I was in a medium. Told her no, large - and she refused to believe me. Told her I was still at 174, and she responded that she was 185 (totally didn't look it - she's so much shorter than I am, and doesn't look that heavy at all).

Rambling now - not quite sure what I'm trying to articulate here, other than, even after all this time, it's all so amazing. I wonder when it will become the "norm" for me :o)

Said she who obviously never had a weight problem...

2009-04-14T17:03:00.000-07:00

Funny how you never know someone else's story and make assumptions without all the facts.

This past Saturday night, the last trio of ladies in the restroom at the nightclub were doing their thing while chatting with each other; two were sisters, and they were all large. The sisters were very large, as I was at the beginning of my journey.

They were bitching about their bodies and how they couldn't lose weight since the birth of their babies, etc., etc. I was just wanting to start packing it up, standing off to the side, so I piped up "Come on, ladies - you are all beautiful!" One of the sisters looked over at me and said "Says the woman who obviously never had a weight problem in her life."

My jaw just dropped and I started giggling. They asked what was so funny. I replied "oh, I've lost a little bit of weight this past year." The third asked how much and I told her "158 pounds." They all shrieked - couldn't believe. Asked how I did it, so I told them, whereas the two sisters started with each other: "See, I told you that's the route we have to go!" "No, no, no - I'm not going to mutilate myself!" "But we're already mutilating ourselves with all this fat!" Back and forth they went. After congratulating me, they walked out still "debating" whether surgery was their answer or not.

Goes to show you - you don't always know just by looking what a person is all about.

More pictures!

2009-04-08T13:47:00.001-07:00

Amazing how I used to hate having my picture taken - now I find I don't mind so much. This first one is our "birthday club." Since our birthdays are all so close, we go out for one dinner to celebrate all three. This year was the Cheesecake Factory - love that place. Such a wonderfully diverse menu, and it's all so good!

Here I am with Mr. T - haven't seen him since before Xmas! He came out our way and we went to lunch at the Coho Cafe. Always so good to see him! Such a sweetheart - we love this man.

And here are the two loves of my life - Special K and the Sparkster. This was taken out at my folks' house - Sparky's saying hello to a couple of the neighborhood dogs.

Got a new camera; well, it's not new, but it is to us. Rita gave it to us (A very nice little Canon digital - having so much fun with it), as she got herself a new one. Nice to have a working camera again.

New Clock/Calendar

2009-04-06T09:12:00.000-07:00

How do you like my new clock/calendar thingy over to the right here? Pretty cool, eh? My cousin in Holland (thank you, Janny!) sent me a link to a web site, so I stole the code and changed the Dutch to English.

Weight's holding steady at 175. Jazzed about that, because I'm enjoying pretty much anything I get a hankering for. Saturday was hard - got sick twice. Had left over pasta - that hurt (you know how pasta tastes better the day after, and even better the day after that? No more - too dry, I guess.) and then we went out to dinner with friends. I had the Swimming Rama with chicken - again, too dry. Should've quit when I realized that. Usually Swimming Angel (or Rama, as this place called it) is soaked with peanut sauce, but this place used barely cooked spinach and hardly any sauce. I asked for extra, but it didn't help. I had to go to the restroom and give it back. Then I had to go to work right from dinner (at the nightclub - was a miserable night, even though I kicked ass in the tip dept.).

The weather was glorious yesterday - took Sparky to Marymore park (they have an off-leash area to walk your dog), and man, it seemed like everyone with a dog was there! So much fun. I just love seeing and meeting so many different doggies - too dang cute! Gonna be another beautiful, sunny day today (up in the 70s, they say), so I'm wearing some of my new Spring stuff - a beautiful tri-colored Indian-dyed skirt (peach/green/gray) with a brown camisole and a light shrug. Paired with my newish tan slip-on wedges - Very nice.

I just love how much fun clothes are again. And shoes!

No delete button...

2009-04-01T09:24:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the blanks - we were looking into something; didn't pan out. I'm so disappointed that I don't even want to read about it, so after I put it up, I took it down. Can't find a delete in here, so my apologies. No biggie - life goes on.

Not in the mood to write - still bummed. Always thought I'd grow out of this type of disappointment. So much for that.

2009-03-31T12:49:00.000-07:00

Kicked out of Yoga class

2009-03-23T15:13:00.001-07:00

Well, not really, but I feel like it. Got a call today from the owner of the yoga place I've been going. Really confusing at first, complimenting me on my lifestyle change and my weight loss, but then it switched over to her receiving a couple e-mails, complaining about the scent of smoke during class. Apparently, several people are super-sensitive and the heat intensifies the odor.

Yes, I know smoking stinks to non-smokers. I try to be very considerate around non-smokers. But this takes the cake. I did not complain about the body odor in that room. First class was great - nothing, but the last two, especially once class gets under way, phew! I figured it's part of the program - gotta deal with it.

Guess not. The owner was very nice and hoped I could come up with a solution so that I can continue coming (ie: quit smoking), but dang. Like I'm going to quit for some strangers in a class that have hairs up their butts, or rather, noses 'cuz they smell smoke - heaven forbid!

So, gotta find some other form of exercise. Bummer.

Quiet

2009-03-17T13:10:00.000-07:00

That's what it's been - quiet. Had a wonderfully restful weekend; did some cooking (corned beef and cabbage! One of my all-time favorites) and some baking (chocolate chip cookies with walnuts and snickerdoodles - brought those in to work; otherwise I would've eaten them. I find it funny that I didn't care much about baking when I was heavier, but that I love it now, when I really can't be eating that stuff) - watched an old movie with Special K - lounged around a lot. Did try to get some gardening in, but I've discovered that my yard is a mass of roots (we do have a lot of tall fir trees on and around our property), so that was a bust. And it rained. A lot. Sunday, we had a little bit of everything - snowflakes in the morning, sleet, hail, lots of high winds and sun breaks!

Ain't complainin' though - way better than the white stuff that sticks around.

Ouch

2009-03-10T13:39:00.001-07:00

Well, I did it. Just came back from my first yoga session. Tried to go last night after work, but traffic was so bad on East Lake Sam, and I couldn't get there in time. I was going to try tonight again, but my businessman called; he needs me tonight, so I went at lunchtime for their "hour power."

Instructor says I did very good. I'm not so sure - I couldn't keep up. At one point, I got very dizzy and nauseous. I just got down in the beginning position (almost fetal but on your knees) and rode it out. I kept trying and that's what the instructor liked; that I stayed with it.

Very glad I went - looking forward to the next session.

Twins!

2009-03-06T09:22:00.000-08:00

My aunt is here, with her gentlemen friend, from Holland for my dad's birthday. Very easy to see the family genes.

They came Wed night to spend a few days at our house, so that they could get some skiing in and to be a lot closer to SeaTac Sat morning for their flight back home.

But Mother Nature's not done with Winter yet. We had a lot of snow up in the mountains and the pass even closed for a bit yesterday, so they decided not to go (I'm so glad they didn't - lots of reported accidents up that way). They'll try again today. I hope they're successful - they both so enjoy skiing. I personally don't see the fun in hurling down a mountainside, dodging trees and other people and stuff, but they love it. I'd rather jump out of a plane - now that seems like a lot of fun!

And here's the birthday boy. It was a very nice get-together, even if half the food wasn't great, and the service even worse - good company can generally overcome anything.

Down another 2 pounds this week - very excited to see it come off. It's so odd, after months of dropping poundage like there's no tomorrow to have it come to a screeching halt, pretty much. I was hoping the honeymoon period would last a little longer (they say anywhere from 8 to 12 months), but, hey, I can't complain. Results have been good.

Besides, no one would listen :o)

Ooooommmmm

2009-03-02T13:03:00.000-08:00

Thinking I need to up the exercise ante; twice a day walking just doesn't seem enough anymore. And I'm doing little things, like climbing stairs (today, I walked up all four flights at work instead of taking the elevator - felt the backs of my legs), parking further away from stores (I used to drive around and around until I found one fairly close to the entrance), arm and leg lifts, but I need more to tone stuff up. My angel wings seem better, but even though my weight is staying between 176 & 178, I feel like I'm getting a little poof up front (right underneath the bust; very odd).

So, I'm going to go for yoga. I'm not one for the gym; never liked exercise and still don't. I have a beautiful stationary bike in my living room, right in front of the TV - do you think I'm on that thing every day? Nope. Three days a week? Uh, uh. Once a week? No way. I've read some about yoga; Special K even got me a beautiful yoga mat a while back. So I'm checking some of the local yoga places around work, so that I can go either on my lunch or right after work.

This will be very interesting.

Happy B-day, Pop!

2009-02-27T13:55:00.000-08:00

It's my dad's birthday this weekend. He's a leap-year baby, so he doesn't actually have one this year, but we celebrate anyways. He's going to be 77, and he's going strong! My aunt (his baby sister) and her gentleman friend are here from Holland. They got in late last night. We're all getting together Sunday for an early dinner down in Federal Way (it's about half-way between their house and ours). I'm excited to see my aunt. Now that I've lost so much weight, I look like I could be her twin. Very easy to see the family genes. Gonna try to get a picture of the two of us, so we can see the similarities, side by side.

Quiet week - had a tooth pulled and an abscess lanced. My mouth is much happier now. And snow - two weeks away from Spring and we had about 3 inches yesterday. Except for some left on lawns and trees, it's all gone, thank goodness. It's so pretty, but it's hell to try to get around with the streets all slushy and icy. Plus people (not all, but most) just don't get it. They drive like there's nothing there. So many accidents on the roads yesterday morning. We stayed home until we saw most of the road again, then we headed in to work.

And today, the weather is beautiful - hope it lasts through the weekend.

Yea! Stall broken...

2009-02-20T09:37:00.000-08:00

I hope. Another pound gone this morning. Very happy to see that. I know I say I'm ok if I don't lose any more, but I really would like to get down another 20 or so, whatever that size 10 takes. I didn't realize that this part of my journey would be harder than the first part; I wouldn't have thought that possible, but it is. Since my appetite has returned with a vengeance, it is so hard not to continually snack. And I keep thinking if I keep busy, I won't have time to think about food, but that's not the case. It's all consuming, sometimes. Very disconcerting. When it gets really bad, I drink some water and start thinking about all of my new clothes and shoes and how much better I feel.

Sometimes, that works. But sometimes, the cookie wins.

A meme...

2009-02-19T13:33:00.000-08:00

These are fun. Found this on another blog and thought, why not? Will give folks a little more insight about my love and me:

What are your middle names? Kathy's is Joyce and mine are Maria Renee Jacoba

How long have you been together? Wow - over 12 years, now; will be 13 in July.

How long did you know each other before you started dating? Kathy answered an ad I had put in the L.A. Times - we started dating right off.

Who asked whom out? Kind of mutual, actually, since she answered my ad. Our first contact was a 4-hour phone conversation, which at the end, we agreed to meet for coffee a few days later.

How old are each of you? I'm 50 and K is 56, soon to be 57 (in March). She calls me her young chick.

Whose siblings do you see the most? Mine - my brother lives up here in the NW, so we see him frequently. Hers are all out of state.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple? My want to spend and her want to save, although she can be a little shopper in her own right, and I've begun to like the saving part.

Did you go to the same school? Nope - she grew up in Milwaukee and I grew up in New York/Miami/Los Angeles.

Are you from the same home town? Nope. See previous answer.

Who is smarter? K, most definitely. She reads everything she can get her hands on and retains the information. I call her my good-idea honey.

Who is the most sensitive? Tied, I think - we're both pretty sensitive (give us a good tear-jerker and we're both bawling.)

Where do you eat out most as a couple? Varies - we like to try new places.

Where's the furthest you've traveled together as a couple? Milwaukee.

Who has the craziest exes? Haven't really discussed those at length, so I don't think either of us have had any crazy exes.

Who has the worst temper? That would be me. But once I blow, it's gone. K has a tendency to hold it inside and let it fester, although she's getting better at expressing herself.

Who does the cooking? We both do; depends on who feels like it. I make great breakfasts, and K's good at experimenting with new recipes or coming up with cool ones on her own.

Who is the neat-freak? Me - I like everything in it's place, where K lets stuff pile up. I've mellowed a lot to where it doesn't matter as much any more, and K's gotten better at not stock piling everything.

Who is more stubborn? mmmm, Dutch stubbornness here - German/Welsh stubbornness over there - tie, probably.

Who hogs the bed? Sparky. Definitely.

Who wakes up earlier? Me. I love getting up when no one else is up yet; have my coffee, read the paper on-line.

Where was your first date? The Swing Cafe (coffee shop) on Santa Monica Blvd in West L.A.

Who is more jealous? Neither of us have a jealous nature, but if I had to pick one, I'd say K - she thinks folks are always on the make for me.

Who eats more? That would K now that I have a pouch smaller than half of my fist.

Who does the laundry? K, usually, but I'll do it when there's a need and she's busy. But she's better with the laundry, while I'm better in the kitchen (cleaning-wise).

Who's better with the computer? I used to think K, but I'm finding out it's me. She knows more about innovative stuff/technology than I do, but it's usually me setting up the pc or new software or explaining applications to her.

Who drives when you go out together? Usually, me. K can drive, but she's a very cautious, slow driver, which would drive me batty. I'm the more forceful, aggressive driver, so I get us where we need to go.

The Big 5-0!

2009-02-12T13:43:00.000-08:00

Had a wonderful birthday weekend. Lunch with the folks on Sunday, Special K took me to SeaStar for lunch on Monday (we both took the day off), saw a movie, played some bingo (didn't win), and shopping. Lots of shopping! So much fun. I actually almost have a full wardrobe again. That was my gift from K - clothes and a couple pair new shoes. God, I love new shoes.

And our party Friday night was a lot of fun. Seemed like it kicked off the weekend just right. Even though it was our team's holiday celebration (original date was snowed out; the second date was flooded out - three times the charm), they also had a card that everyone on the team signed (except for K - they didn't want her to know) and they collected money to give me a very nice sized Sears gift card. So very sweet. Oh, and they had a "princess set" for me to wear:

Came complete with a tiara, broach, earrings, necklace and a ring. So cute. Very nice of the team to do all that for me - I was blown away.

Teetering up and down between 177 and 180. I really have to watch the snacking. It seems all I want to do is eat these days and it's scaring me. Each day I wake up and say to myself that today I'll be good. But then the day gets underway, and it's a cookie here and some crackers there. I know I said I'd be fine if I didn't lose anymore, and that is certainly true. But I don't want to gain anything back. It would be so easy to let go and not be careful and end up pretty much where I was before, and that's just not an option.

I long for the days where food just did not interest me.

Roses!

2009-02-06T09:31:00.000-08:00

I get into work this morning, and what's waiting for me on my desk? A beautiful bouquet of roses/carnations; very pretty pinks - love them! Plus a couple of mocha cups; little chocolate coffee cups filled with mousse - yummy! Gonna have one with Special K today and one Sunday when Mum comes (she loves these, too). All from Miss P - thank you, P! So sweet of her to remember my b-day.

Made me smile and I love starting the day smiling :o)

No Mouse Ears :o(

2009-02-02T10:22:00.001-08:00

So, I don't get to turn 50 at Disneyland. That was the plan. Until T-Mobile/TLC Marketing messed it up.

We had free flight tickets from a promotion at the end of 2007. The forms asked for 3 different destinations, 3 different departure dates and 3 different return dates. I put in LAX only and gave a few choices for the dates, but not all that they asked for, as we don't have the luxury of going whenever we want. With that mandatory vacation that work made me take in December, I'm short vacation days for this year, and I certainly don't want to go in the hole with my 2010 vacation this early on in the year.

I even enclosed a letter, explaining why I wasn't filling in all the fields - told them I wanted to spend my 50th b-day at Disneyland. Think that mattered? Not a bit. They've got sticks up their collective asses - so rigid. I called both TLC and T-Mobile; no good. Very disappointed in T-Mobile - they've been great as our cell phone provider, but what good is a promotion if you can't use it? I don't get how they can ask for 3 different destinations. They don't let you know what you get until 2 weeks before - how are you supposed to plan for something like that? And you can't tell me that there aren't enough flights going between Seattle and L.A. to get us two little measley tickets. But because we didn't fill out all the fields, we "disqualified" ourselves. Bullpucky.

We could buy two tickets - would only run $300 - $350, but we didn't budget for that, and our car already bit a big chuck from our vacation funds a couple weeks ago. If we bought tickets, it wouldn't leave us much to play with.

Ah, well. We'll have a nice day, anyway. Folks are coming to take us to lunch and then Special K and I will go out that night (we're taking Monday off to recuperate :o)

As for T-Mobile? Come November, when our contract is up, it's Verison or Sprint for us.

Another one bites the dust!

2009-01-29T11:14:00.000-08:00

And another one gone and another gone - another one bites the dust!

Came across a fellow WLS blogger, and all of his titles to his posts are song titles, so I couldn't help it. Gotta love Queen - now that's gonna be running through my head all day.

So, another pound gone - yea! Even though it's slower now, it's still exciting when I see the weight still coming off. Saw the folks last weekend - Pop's still stressing that I'm losing too much. Good grief. First I was too big; now I'm getting too small. I wish there was something I could say to him so that he wouldn't worry, but I guess that's a dad's perogitive.

He's got a point, though - Special K said the same thing; if I were to just maintain and not lose any more, that would be alright. And it would be. I'm in a much better place now. I can breathe, walk forever, climb stairs and hills, bend over with no effort - clothing is fun again. But I want more. Being told once I'd never be a size 10 has been something that stuck in my brain, and I want to see if I can. If I am too thin, then great; I'll have fun putting some weight back on. But I just have to see if I can.

Not sure why that's important to me, but there you go.

TGIF

2009-01-23T09:54:00.000-08:00

Another acronym, but very true. What a week.

Tuesday, I was so excited and in such a good mood - couldn't wait to see the swearing in of our new president and then listen to his inaugural address. Even stopped at a Krispy Kreme for my free doughnut, plus get a box for my area (red, white and blue sprinkles!) and a latte.

Well, after two & a half months waiting for my new pc at work, they decide Tuesday morning is when they're going to set me up. Told them OK, as long as they were done by 8:55 so that I could log on and find a web site with live feed so I could watch.

Uh, huh.

Didn't happen - everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. They missed more than half my files, gave me the wrong version to my mail client - did not move over my Internet favorites list, etc, etc, etc. To cut a real long story short (I know - too late), I lost it. Had a melt-down; very embarrassing. I logically knew they could fix things, but I'm not sure if my hormones are off-balanced, or if I've got so much toxins in my system from not being regular, but I was a basket case. Made myself so upset that I threw up. And even after I calmed down (and yes, they were able to fix almost everything - still waiting for one thing; they can't figure out why it's not working), my stomach hurt. Bad. Carried over to Wednesday. I came in for a couple hours and then went home. Slept almost all day. Today is actually the first day I feel "normal" again (probably helped that I took a couple Ex lax last night and the earth finally moved for me).

So, I missed seeing history happen. I am happy, though, that it did happen. I hope this is the beginning of a new era for America, but I also hope that expectations aren't too high that Obama won't be able to deliver. Oops, 'scuse me - President Obama.

Proud to call him that.

TMI

2009-01-16T10:03:00.001-08:00

TMI - too much information; but it is what it is, and that's what this blog is all about - my weight loss journey. So.

One of the side effects of this procedure is that I don't "go" regularly anymore. Once or twice every two to three weeks is the norm, now. For the most part, I don't even think about, but I always thought I'd even out and get back on a more regular schedule. I'm not overdoing the fiber (might not be getting enough) - I put wheat germ on my salads, which I eat pretty regularly.

Not so much fruit anymore - the only thing I can think of that I'm reacting to is the natural sugar. I tried to eat peaches a couple mornings ago, and I started to "dump," (sweating, gagging, stomach hurting). Very odd. I'm doing ok so far this morning with my grapefruit, but instead of the fruit cups I usually get (what can I say - I'm lazy; Mum's fault - she always cut up our fruit for us when we were young lol), I bought a fresh grapefruit last night. Cut it up this morning - so far, so good. Perhaps it's the commercial fruit cups (the peaches were in a lite syrup) my system is protesting. Although, last couple times I tried banana, that didn't go so well, either. (shrugs)

Had a conversation this morning with two of the other ladies here at work that have had this procedure, and this topic came up. One has colitus, so I can't go by what works for her, but the other said she's regular, but she takes a vitamin (which escapes me just now - have to go ask her again) that helps.

I have to wonder if this all is effecting how slow my lossage has been lately. There are times I feel bloated and just wish I could totally do some sort of internal cleansing something or other.

Ah, well - need to do some research. I'm sure it'll all work out in the end (pun totally intended!)

Two more...

2009-01-08T12:46:00.000-08:00

Down two more yesterday morning, making it a loss of 150 even. Still so exciting.

And every single day, someone mentions how good I'm looking. I am blessed with nice co-workers. I've read elsewhere that many folks that go through WLS experience derogatory remarks from co-workers, as well as friends and family! I can't imagine that. My honey's been most supportive and loving, my family is so happy for me, as are our good friends. And at work, no-one's ever given me anything except support and compliments.

'Tis a lucky girl that I am!